A Very Pinterest Christmas

My love affair with Pinterest is well-documented, but as I said a few posts back, I decided I needed to start trying some projects besides the recipes.  It's turned into a borderline obsession that has culminated in Nick offering to help me with some of the projects.  Yeah, I know.  My husband is awesome.

First, up...some Christmas gifts!  I had been collecting (and having others collect on my behalf) wine corks with the vague notion that I would someday use them for something spectacular.  I decided to take spectacular down a notch and just settle for 'a cute gift for Christmas'.  The next two pictures are a couple of projects I did.  (As always, I apologize for my poor photography skills.)

First, up....Wine Cork Letters - I made several of these, including the first one, which I kept for myself.

Next, a wine cork jewelry solution...somehow I missed taking a pic of this one, but trust me, it was cute!  This is the original inspiration.

Next, some festive Christmas decorations....

I started by FINISHING a wreath I started nearly a year ago, but they are all over Pinterest now.  I made the mistake of choosing a large wreath form so it took forever to finish.

Then, I saw this post and wanted to re-create the ornament chandelier.  And more importantly, Ernie the Multi Toed Wonder Cat has not gotten interested in knocking it down yet.  A Christmas miracle! (Bonus points if you can find the cat tail in the pic)

Finally, I'm hosting a brunch for my girlfriends this weekends and we decided we want to make a holiday craft (what could go wrong with a mimosa bar and glue guns?).  So, I think we're going to try this one....I did a test run this weekend to make sure it was mimosa-proof.  It is.  Mostly.

And finally...Nick is helping me with this project this week...I hope to have it done by this weekend.

And, in Going Sugar Free news...an update.  I've started week 4 and I have to admit, the 3rd and 4th weeks have been more difficult.  Work has been busy  and I've been more stressed than usual, so that tends to make me seek out sugary things.  So far, I've only had a few minor slips but have gotten back on track pretty quickly.  I even survived Thanksgiving (unless you count the multiple bottles of champagne my darling sisters-in-law and mother-in-law and I downed on Thanksgiving day when we were supposed to be cooking) with only a piece of pie or two.  At the end of this week, I'll be halfway through  my eight week challenge!

Happy St. Nick's Day!

From Cupcake Afficianado to Sugar Free...Week 1

Day 4 of Going Sugar Free...Body - achy.  Mind - fuzzy.  Hands - shaking.  Heart - full of sadness at a life without sugar. 

Wrong. 

Now, granted it's only been 4 days and it hasn't exactly been easy but so far, I have not punched anyone in order to procure cookies, cupcakes or candy.

So, why would I do this to myself?  It started with reading this article in the New York Times earlier this year.  It pretty much blew my mind.  I mean, I knew that sugar was bad...but it hadn't occurred to me 1) just how bad sugar potentially could be (I say potentially only because I think there's a lot of research to be done yet) and 2) I just assumed that a calorie is a calorie is a calorie.

Turns out, they're not.  A calorie of sugar is not metabolized by your body the same way that a calorie of any other food is.   Moreover, there's a lot of compelling evidence that our current obesity crisis (as well as increased cancer rates) could be traced back to our dramatically increased consumption of sugar. 

And, what blew me away even more was...your body doesn't metabolize 'good' sugars (i.e. fruits) any differently than 'bad' sugars (i.e. candy).  I've always been a fan of putting dried figs, cranberries and raisins in my salads...when I looked at the sugars, I realized that all three have just as much sugar as M&M's...and my body doesn't know the difference...other than that there are added nutritional benefits from fruits and dried fruits. 

Add all of this to the fact that I know I'm at greater risk for gestational diabetes and type 2 diabetes because of the insulin resistance associated with PCOS...and it wasn't a hard leap to make that maybe I need to look to cut out all sugars from my diet. 

So, here's the plan:

1.) This is an experiment...I've committed to trying it for 8 weeks during what is likely the most sugar-ridden time of the year.
2.) I'm going to do my best...but I'm not going to beat myself up if I slip.
3.) Christmas Eve and Christmas Day...all bets are off.  :)
4.) I'm not going cold turkey.  I've found a plan online that has you ease into a sugar free diet...primarily by replacing the sugars with fats.  Which, yes, I know - sounds counter-intuitive.  But most of the hype we've been fed about fat has been debunked recently.  Your body needs fat.  
5.) After the eight weeks are up, I'll decide how I want to proceed going forward.  Ideally, I'd like to maintain a 'mostly' sugar-free lifestyle where I still have 1 serving of fruit a day (likely a cup of berries in my morning smoothie) and the very occasional treat.
6.) I realize this is a pretty intense change...and the idea of it makes some people uncomfortable.  My attempt here is to just see how I feel by making the change.

So, what am I eating?  Here's a couple of sample meals.

Breakfast: whole wheat toast with small pat of butter, Havarti cheese and 1/2 an avocado
Lunch: Spinach salad with hard boiled eggs and a little bit of bacon
Dinner: Grilled chicken and roasted broccoli
Snacks: Cheese!  Nuts! Also - celery with no sugar added almond butter

Honestly, I think I'm eating less than what I normally do.  The biggest difference I've noticed is that I'm normally STARVED when I get home from work...I can rarely wait until dinner without having some type of snack.  That has not been the case this week.

Again, it's only been a short time.   The hardest part has been giving up my morning shake and countering my mid-afternoon energy slump. 

If you're interested in the topic, I highly suggest watching this video.

Sugar Free Sarah...Signing Out!

Well, now what am I going to obsess over?

After a bit of moping around, Nick and I decided we would wait until the spring to implant the frozen embryos.  Two back to back IVF cycles has not been easy on my body or either of our spirits.  I think it's time for a bit of a break.  We want to give the next try our absolute best and to do that...well, we need some space.  It's not you, IVF, it's us.  :)

However, that leaves a LOT of time on my hands.  And I was briefly at a loss with what to do with it.  But it didn't take long for me to find new (mostly healthy) things to obsess over.  In no particular order...

1. Crafting...I've been 'pinning' crafts and DIY projects for months but have yet to actually make one.  I tend to use Pinterest mostly for recipes (in fact our menus for the last several weeks have been almost entirely Pinterest derived).  So, to start I finally finished up the yarn and felt wreath I've been working on.  I've got several more in the works, but after a marathon of crafting yesterday (and some uncomfortable glue gun burns), I might have to take a break.  Already.  Yeah, I know.  
2. Decorating for Christmas...our house could use a little cheer, so I decided to break my own No Christmas Trees Before Thanksgiving rule.  I also figured I would need to leave the undecorated trees up for a few days while I 'train' Ernie the new cat not to climb the tree.  This involves an elaborate ritual of me spraying the tree with a solution that is SUPPOSED to be distasteful to cats but in fact, seems to only intruige them more.  Then, as soon as I think we're in the clear and sit down, Ernie is, in a flash, trying to climb the tree.  So, I break out the spray bottle of water, which is apparently the MOST FUN toy ever to Ernie.  (I thought cats hated water in the face?)  Repeat ad nauseum.  
3. Giving up Sugar!  I've been thinking about this for some time...I have PCOS which is a condition that makes me insulin resistant...when my hormones aren't regulated (i.e. I'm off the pill), I gain weight.  So, over the past two years, I've, for the most part, cut out the bad sugars (soda, pastries, white flour, etc) (well, except for the occasional splurge...I am human, after all).  After doing a lot of research and reading, I want to try and cut out the good sugars (fruit, honey, etc), too.   It might seem crazy to do this over the holidays, but I'm up for the challenge.  (Luckily, I found out that wine is still okay in moderation...so I'll just spend the entire holidays drunk!)

Separate posts on the crafting and going sugar-free coming soon...I know, you're excited, right?!

Strike two...

We had a blood test today to determine if I was pregnant and it was negative.  Although we were pretty much expecting it, it's still hard to take.   We do have the glimmer of hope with the frozen embryos so that's what we'll be focusing on eventually. 

I'm sure most of you don't realize how long we've been trying, but trust me - it feels like all we've thought about for a long time.  When you're trying to get pregnant, each month you expect that 'this is the month'.  Your mind can't help but think about the possibilities - how you'll tell your partner, how you'll tell your family, when your due date is, etc. etc.  And then when it doesn't happen, it feels like a little death that you have to grieve.

Going through IVF is like that times 1000.  It occupies your physical, mental and spiritual self.  It's always there...in the background.  And both times, we allowed ourselves to think 'what if'...'what if this is THE time'? 'what if we can tell my 104 year old grandmother at Christmas that she's going to be a great-grandmother (again)?' 'what if we have a baby on July 17th like the due date calculator tells me?' 'what if we can go through the holidays knowing that we have a very special gift in store for us?' 'what if, what if, what if???'

You try not to.   Especially when you've been disappointed.   But if you didn't hope for the best and didn't imagine all the what if scenarios (whether you're talking about IVF or other obstacles), it would certainly make life a lot more bleak.

So, we'll mourn another loss of what could have been.  But we'll keep asking 'what if?'.  And hopefully...with a little luck...we'll finally get to stop saying if and start saying when.

I feel like a broken record, but thank you, thank you, thank you for the love and support and prayers.  Thank you for the offers to wallow with me.  Thank you for sitting with me waiting for the call.  Thank you for checking in with me.  Thank you for the texts.   Thank you for the emails.  Thank you for the phone calls.  Thank you for the Facebook messages.  Thank you for bringing me chocolate and cupcakes and other goodies (at one point, if we got pregnant, I was sure I was going to have to name the baby Reese or Hershey).   Thank you for the hugs.  Thank you for crying with me.  Thank you.

It does not go without notice that you all have your own struggles and tough times to deal with, so please know how deeply your support means to us.  XOXO

:::Tumbleweeds float by:::

I know - almost a week and no update.  But, as it turns out, fretting about whether or not you're pregnant is quite tiring and stressful.  Who knew?

This cycle has been far more dramatic than the first - lots of ups and downs.  Yesterday, we were having a very up day.  Today - it is very, very down.  But, as many good friends have counseled me today - we should never give up faith.  We have a bloodwork test later this week and will know more then.  Until then, we could really use any spare good thoughts and prayers you have (after you are done praying and thinking about more worthy topics).

Trying to get pregnant and going through IVF is without a doubt the most stressful event of Nick and I's life.   However, since the season of gratitude is upon us, it has provided me some perspective.  I know I am certainly grateful for an amazing partner in Nick; I couldn't have gone through this process without him (ha! both literally and figuratively).  I'm amazed at how we continue to get stronger rather than be pulled apart by all the heartache. 

Along this vein, Nick and I were talking about the many ways you can have a family today and he reminded me of the first 5 minutes of Up.  If you haven't seen it, you've either been under a rock or don't have kids (made by Pixar).   While I loved the movie, the first 5 minutes nearly killed me and through (sob, sob) tears, I declared to Nick 'this is the worst movie EVERRRR!'

The gist of it is that a boy and girl, meet and fall in love.  They find out they cannot have children and are devastated.  However, (as I recall) they spend the rest of their years together having wonderful adventures and generally living a good life.  And then the wife dies.  (Cue tears from Sarah) (Bear in mind, this is only the first 5 minutes of the movie.) And it is SAD.  But then the (by this time curmudgeonly) guy has a young boy thrust into his life and they hate each other, but then they love each other and become best friends and they all live happily ever after.  The End.

Where was I going with this?  Oh, yeah - the point Nick was trying to make by reminding me of the movie was that we will have a family one way or another.  So, in sum - IVF=drama, Up=tears but good life lesson, Nick=awesome, Sarah=still holding out hope.

Thanks for all the love, thoughts and prayers; it means the world to us.

P.S.  In WTF news...WTF, Mississippi?

Success...measured in pants buttoned

I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that, despite evidence to the contrary (blog posts, emails, and texts referencing the fact that I'm dying)...I am in fact, alive and well!  Well, as well as can be expected.  I showered and everything, you guys!  And today...I was able to button my pants.  This was a feat not possible in the last few days.   Not being able to button your pants really limits your ability to be a functioning adult.   That and feeling like you're dying.

Other than recovering from near death and returning to work, not much to update on.  And it's probably going to be that way for awhile.  If you thought the waiting to find out about our freeze-able embryos was bad, hold on, sisters and brothers, because it's about to get a whole lot worse up in this IVF joint.  Before we will be declared 'officially' pregnant, we have weeks of bloodwork and waiting and ultrasounds to go.  I suggest you pick up a crafty hobby in the meantime...I would really like a new scarf and some mittens for Christmas, so feel free to choose knitting.

In the meantime, we'll be over here waiting not-so-patiently.  Nick has established a daily ritual of rubbing my belly and praying, which frankly makes me feel a little bit like Buddha, but I suppose there are worse things in life.  I am obsessively Christmas shopping and taking lots of naps with Ernie, The Multi-Toed Wonder Cat.  His favorite place to sleep is curled up parallel to me with both of our heads on the pillow.  It's so cute you would throw up if you saw it.   And now I'm going to force you to see it.

Three...it's a magic number

Anybody remember Schoolhouse Rock?  This one is apropos today.

I feel slightly less like dying today, so that's good.  The upside to feeling like your stomach is going to explode at any moment is that it makes it difficult to stress out when the embryologist waits until 2:00 in the afternoon to call you with the report on freeze-able embryos, or as Nick calls them 'chilly willies'.   However, Nick was not so lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it) so I was getting near hourly texts from him.

Finally, we got the call that we have three blastocysts to freeze.  All along, I'd been hoping for 4-6 total embryos so five is nice and in the middle.  It's still a little disappointing given how many eggs we had fertilize, but we'll take it.  It's 2.5 times better than our first cycle at least.  And they're all good quality, so hopefully that bodes well for future frozen transfers. 

Back to work for me tomorrow!  I've finally experienced that feeling of 'whatever is going on at work...they can deal with it without me' which I suppose is either a factor of how much we want this cycle to work or how terrible I feel. :)

And now, in the immortal words of Schoolhouse Rock...

A man and a woman had a little baby...
Yes they did...they had threeeee in the family and that's a magic number.

I'm far too uncomfortable to be clever.

Just a quick update!  The transfer was this morning at 8:30 am...we had two very high quality blastocysts to transfer today and expect to have some more to freeze tomorrow.  So...all in all, good news.  As with the first cycle, the worst part was not being able to use the restroom for a period of time, although it was only an hour today instead of four hours like last time.

I had intended to go back to work tomorrow but fluid has built up in my stomach and chest (as a result of the procedures) and it's incredibly uncomfortable.  So, they want me to stay home another day on modified bed rest.  This is now six days in a row of being in pain/uncomfortable/not sleeping much and as Nick would attest, I'm a smidge grumpy.  Luckily, I know it will all be worth it.

XOXO

Emilio Estevez would be proud.

After one more day of not worrying because of yesterday's excellent embryo report, (well, there was a small amount of worrying about the Cardinals ability to win the World Series but I did my part and wore my lucky Cards shirt, so you're welcome, Cardinals.) I woke up at 6am today a nervous ball of energy.  The last two days the embryologist called between 7:30 am and 8:00 am.  I knew not to expect a call that early on a Saturday, but that didn't stop me from obsessively checking my phone to make sure the ringer was on and the battery was charged.

While waiting, I decided to do the logical thing...make biscuits and gravy.  My stomach is still pretty uncomfortable and the thought of drinking my normal breakfast shake made me ill.  I was desperately craving biscuits and gravy, but figured the normal greasy version would probably not be a good idea.  So, I decided to try my hand at making sausage gravy with turkey sausage and skim milk, along with reduced fat Bisquick biscuits.  Surprisingly, it was delicious!  :::pats self on back:::  The scary thing is that now that I know how easy and delicious and relatively not bad for you it is...I may want to make it a lot more often.  I don't think Nick will complain.

After that was done, I realized that Ernie, our new kitten, had somehow gotten into the flour and tracked adorable little extra toed footprints all over the kitchen.  I would be mad at him...but seriously, the tracks were too cute.  Lucky for him.

Finally, the phone rang and we had our embryo report.  I'm pleased to say this cycle's 'mighty ducks' AKA the Tremendous Twenty continue to dominate.   Without getting into a lot of science/biology stuff that I'm clearly not qualified to discuss...a quick refresher on embryo quality.  The lab is watching the embryos each day to see if they are dividing...i.e. a 2 cell embryo turns into a 4 cell embryo into an 8 cell embryo, etc.  They are also grading the quality of the embryo. 

So, here's our report.  On Day 3, they expect to see a range of 4-8 cell embryos.

We had:

• 10 8-cell embryos, 8 of which were considered the best quality 
• 6 6-cell embryos
• 2 4-cell embryos
• 2 2- cell embryos

Essentially....that is awesome.  The 16 8 and 6 cell embryos are really the ones that are still in play either to transfer (but remember, only the two best will be transferred on Monday)or freeze...at this point, the 4 cells and 2 cells probably won't make it.   Nick and I did a ridiculously embarrassing dance around the kitchen to celebrate.  No, I did not record it.

We feel so tremendously lucky to have made it this far and continued to have good news.  On the subject of luck, here's a couple of recent good signs we're hoping will help our streak.

As most of you know, we recently lost my beloved cat, Carl.  It was completely traumatic, somewhat unexpected and I was inconsolable for days.  Three days after he passed away, I was at a monitoring appointment and the nurse pointed out a group of follicles in my ovaries that looked like a cat paw.  Weird?  Yes.  Did I take it as a good sign? Absolutely.

Nick and I have also taken to obsessively collecting fortunes from fortune cookies.  Here are two recent ones that we hope bode well for starting our family.  "This year, your fondest wish will come true." and "Three months from now, something great will happen." (Pregnancy announcement??)

In addition to these signs of good fortune, we continue to be grateful for all your well wishes and support.  We truly could not have gotten through this process without our friends and family, so hugs to you all. 

Today, we're off to the zoo to enjoy the gorgeous weather and another day of basking in our embryo quality.

Another day, another eight embryos...

I was going to make you all wait for the big update today with a big long lead-in to the news, but I'm far too excited to be that mean.  So...by some miracle, not only do we still have the 12 original embryos continuing to develop, but an additional 8 decided to start growing for a grand total of TWENTY.

TWENTY!!!!!!!!

TWWWWWWEEEEEEEEEENNNNNNNNNNTTTTTTTYYYYYYY!!!!!

Now, in all fairness, those 8 probably won't be the best quality, but the fact that that many decided to start growing on top of the fact that the original 12 are still kicking it in the petri dish (I don't actually know if they are in a petri dish, but whatever)....that is good news.

And it means that Nick and I can relax for one more day.  I was sick with anxiety this morning; I really thought I was going to have to pull my car off the road.  Then, the phone rang and the area code was the same as the clinic, so I thought it was the update call.  When I heard a man's voice, my heart sank because I thought it was our doctor calling to tell us that all of the embryos arrested. 

But...no, it was just Nick, calling to see if I had heard anything yet.  No, I haven't heard anything yet!  And P.S. thanks for scaring me nearly to death.

So, when I got the actual call and the embryologist gave me the news, I burst into tears which I think scared the poor embryologist a bit.  I explained to her that we only ended up with two embryos our first cycle and she assured me that so far, everything looks really good. 

Then I called Nick to report the good news.  As soon as he answered the phone, I yelled 'it's good news!' which probably startled him a smidge but I wanted to be clear this was not That Kind of Call. 

Embryo transfer is scheduled for 8:30 am on Monday!

Continued thanks for your support, thoughts, and prayers.  XOXO

A Dozen Chances...

Hi, people...just a quick update.  I spoke with the embryologist this morning and of the 34 eggs they attempted to fertilize, only 12 actually did so.  During our last cycle, we had 16 eggs to fertilize, 8 fertilized and only 2 made it to transfer.

We're pretty nervous at this point (understatement of the year!)...we'd like to have at least 4-6 good quality embryos so that we can both transfer some this cycle and have some for subsequent frozen cycles.   We were really hoping that since there were 34 eggs fertilized, we would have a lot more that actually did so. 

On top of that, I am in a lot of pain still.  So much so, that I called the clinic to make sure I wasn't experiencing OHSS.  At this point, they think I'm just taking longer than normal to recover from the procedure and it hasn't turned into something more serious.   As Nick can attest, all of this is making me fairly grumpy. 

Bright spots...a co-worker brought me a pumpkin spice cupcake today, which so far is the only thing I've eaten...and another co-worker brought me the bell I referenced wanting yesterday.  I can't wait to ring it at Nick.  Don't worry...I won't overdo it.  I'm a benevolent dictator.

I think this is the point at which it would be much easier if I wasn't at work.  Although, in fairness, if I were at home, I would have far more time to worry, so maybe it's better this way. 

Thanks for all the good thoughts and prayers...they are much appreciated! XOXO

A Tale of Two Cycles

Egg Retrieval #2...complete!  We arrived at the clinic (which, by the way is 40 miles from our house...I will not miss that drive!) at 7:15 am and by 8:00 am, my IV was in and I was walking into the procedure room.   No waiting around for hours like the first cycle.  By 8:35 am, I was waking up groggily in the recovery room 

And now...the stats.  At my last monitoring appointment, they saw about a dozen follicles on each ovary.  However, today they managed to retrieve 34 MATURE follicles.   The embryo tech seemed very surprised that I had so many that were mature...apparently, that's sort of unusual (read: rockstar ovaries.  I've refrained from talking about my rockstar ovaries this time around as that sort of backfired during IVF#1, but apparently...my ovaries...they cannot be stopped! Behold the power of my ovaries!)

As you'll recall in our first cycle, I had a lot of follicles (18 on one ovary and 17 on the other before the retrieval), but they were only able to retrieve 16 and many of those were poor quality.   So for us to get that many mature follicles...well, we're pretty happy.  All 34 were fertilized and now we wait to find out which ones progress.   Cross your fingers and toes for lots of good quality embryos!  At this point, we'd be delighted to get pregnant this cycle but we'll be even more delighted to have plenty of good embryos.

If we don't get pregnant during this 'fresh' IVF cycle, we'll do a frozen transfer  subsequently, which is much less invasive and less expensive.  This time around, we bought a package of IVF treatments and there was no cost difference between one fresh cycle vs. one fresh and one frozen cycle, so it's nice to know that if we didn't get pregnant, we have a frozen cycle as a back-up. 

The downside of all those eggs being retrieved is that I'm a lot more uncomfortable this time around.  The pain meds aren't cutting it...I'm hoping I feel better tomorrow since I'll be back at work.  Lots of budget work to do. :(

Nick, as usual, was an excellent nurse, despite the fact he wouldn't heed my demand for a bell.  What good is being waited on hand and foot IF YOU DON'T HAVE A BELL?  Harumph.  Luckily, Ernie the newest feline addition to our house, acquiesced to some cuddling.

More to come tomorrow!

IVF: The Sequel...long overdue update!

Wow…massive blogging fail.  Hopefully you all subscribe to the ‘no news is good news’ school of thought.  I’m not dead, wounded or maimed.  Just busy!  Although, in fairness, it would only take me 15 minutes to update the blog, so I guess it’s more like…just lazy!   

I think it my attempt to structure the blog, I sucked what little enjoyment there was to be had from it right out the door.  So…I’m just going to blog when I want, about what I want.  And what I want to blog about today is…follicles!  I know – you’re so surprised, right?!

Started the stims about a week and a half ago, although on a much lower dosage than IVF#1.   Thus far, there have been no major side effects, other than maybe some additional fatigue.  I’ve had several monitoring appointments and all looks good…I’ve got at least a dozen follicles on each ovary.  However, this time around, instead of having 1-2 show-off follicles that are growing much faster than the rest of the follicles, everybody is growing nice and even.  Slow and steady wins the race.

The egg retrieval is slated for this Wednesday, which means a Halloween transfer.  Boo!  We’re going to put some embryos in you! 

I am pretty tired of driving to the clinic…it’s about 45-50 minutes from our house and it’s a pain to get out there in the morning.  And I’m even more tired of having my blood drawn…and having to spell my name to the blood tech (although today he remembered it without me having to tell him).  

The two cycles continue to be vastly different in a variety of ways.   I didn’t see our doctor in the first cycle until the egg retrieval.  This time around, the doctor has poked his head into every monitoring appointment to take a look at the ultrasound and shake my hand (which, frankly, is a little awkward during an ultrasound, but I’ve gotten so used to talking to medical professionals while in awkward positions or situations, it only fazes me a little now.)

What’s also different is that I don’t feel like OMG IVF IS MY WOOOOORRRRLLLLDD, which is basically what happened the first cycle.  Nothing wrong with that and it was nice to have that luxury, but the realities of day to day living and work do sort of occupy enough brain space that I think the space left for IVF is probably a much healthier portion this time. 

BREAKING NEWS!  Just got off the phone with the doctor’s office…got my ‘trigger shot’ instructions.  Tonight at 9pm I give myself the Ovidrel shot…which will trigger the follicles to release the eggs.   Let’s all hope that this is the last shot I give myself…EVER.  Oh…one other difference this time around…I am extra bruise-y.  It looks like a GI Joe action figure has been repeatedly punching me in my belly button.   I like it, though…makes me feel tough. J

XO to you all…thanks for the good thoughts, emails, calls and texts!

This Sauce Will Change Your Life

Maybe that's a bit hyperbolic, but it has changed my life.  Readers...I introduce to you...Mandarano Balsamic Glaze.  (cue the angels singing)

What is it?  Other than a life-changing sauce, it is...

• Ketchup's older (according to the website, the recipe is 400 years old), much more sophisticated Italian cousin
• A balsamic vinegar reduction in a way-too-convenient bottle
• What has been on my breakfast, lunch, and dinner for days

I love making a balsamic reduction...but it requires a great deal of time and patience.   Essentially, you just poor balsamic vinegar into a sauce pan and literally let it 'reduce' over heat.   And I would say of the times I've made it, 1 out of 3 three times I look away for 10 seconds too long and ruin the reduction.  So, when I discovered you could buy this delicious and luxurious sauce in a bottle, I knew I had to try it.

To date, I've had it on:

• Fresh mozzarella (a classic) and goat cheese
• Granny Smith apples
• Strawberries
• As a garnish on caprese chicken (chicken breast marinated in balsamic vinegar and garlic, then sauteed  and topped with fresh mozzarella, basil and tomato...or in my case, some roasted red peppers I needed to use up)  Nick proclaimed this dish Top Chef worthy (he's easily fooled by presentation).
• Scrambled eggs
• A spoon by itself

If you're interested, you can buy it here.  Anyone want to go in on a case?

I can't remember how exactly I came across it, but I know it started in one of those Pinterest wormholes where you start looking at one pin and then that takes you to some new website which takes you somewhere else and then, voila!  You're ordering balsamic glaze at 4AM.  Not that I did that or anything.

Oh, P.S.  I started the Lupron injections today.  I forgot how much fun it is to stick yourself with a needle every day.  Luckily, my trusty Nate the Needle coffee mug was there to keep me company.

P.P.S.  It's probably a sign of how laissez-faire I am about this cycle that only 5% of the words in this post were dedicated to IVF.  Very Zen.

Thankful Thursday...a day late

Hi, people...I'm sure it's still Thursday somewhere, right?  I had a more stressful than usual day at work yesterday so after coming home from a much needed happy hour, Nick fussed around me...patting my head and generally being the wonderful husband that he is while we watched Parks and Recreation.  And I fell asleep by 8:05.  I am approximately 80 years old.  Next thing you know, I'll be eating dinner at 5:00.  OH, WAIT - I already do that.

So, down to business...in no particular order, what I'm thankful for this week.

#1 - Fall...glorious, glorious fall.  It's my favorite season and aside from family and friends, the reason I could never live anywhere without the four seasons.  I've been pinning pumpkin recipes like it's my job (although I've yet to actually make any of them), drooling over boots and scarves, and just generally walking down the street some days feeling as thought I'm in a movie.  This weekend, I'll be joining the fam at Weston's Red Barn Farm for new family pictures and hopefully, some pumpkin buying. 

#2 - Yoga...I've been trying to do 30 minutes of yoga every other day since the massage therapist told me I had knots the size of Texas in my shoulders.  I used to be much more religious about practicing yoga, but I fell off the wagon.  While at first, I was huffing and puffing my way through, it's starting to get to the point where I really enjoy it again AND I'm no longer wearing my shoulders as earrings. BONUS.

#3 - This next one is an experience I'm grateful for...it's harder to explain and takes some back story, so bear with me. 

I frequently see homeless people on my drive to work...and just as frequently, I have that uncomfortable "Do I make eye contact? Do I give them money? Do I ignore them completely?" dilemma in my head.   You would think that someone who has dedicated their career to nonprofit health and human services would handle this situation better, but I don't.

One morning, I was at a stoplight and saw a homeless man on the corner on my driver side.  Not really thinking about it much, I grabbed my lunch, rolled down the window and handed it to him.  I felt such sadness as he took it and thanked me and said "God bless you."  I wanted to do more.  Later in the day, I remembered...oh yeah, you work in nonprofit health and human services, so you do more every day...even if it's indirectly.

But what I don't get every day is the opportunity to experience the human to human connection of helping someone.  And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that even though it was a small act and probably was more meaningful to me than the man I helped...(warning: I'm about to go all 'kumbaya' on you guys) the world could use more small acts of kindness.  And selfishly, I realized I wanted to be on the giving side of kindness because I could use that positive energy in my life right now.

So, I've been thinking about how to incorporate this into my life and here's what I've come up with.  Each week, I'm going to perform a random act of kindness and blog about it.  Fairly simple and certainly not a unique idea, but I know that declaring it publicly will keep me honest.  I'm hoping you all will help me come up with ideas, too.  I've already got an inkling of an idea for next week, but you'll just have to wait until then...

Have a pumpkin-filled weekend, everyone!

A Funny Thing Happened...

Well, folks...not much new in IVF: The Sequel.  Oh, well...except my big box o' expensive fertility meds arrived...to a lot less fanfare than the first time around.  Luckily, I had one box of Follistim left over from the first cycle, which saved me about $600 this time around.  A small dent, but a dent nonetheless.

Instead, I'd thought I would recount one of my favorite When Sarah Does Stupid Things stories.  The impetus for sharing this story is because I drove past the Wal-marts tonight.  I haven't been in a Wal-mart in probably two years...just a personal preference for Target.  And something about the florescent lighting makes me ill.  Anywho...when driving by, I recalled this particular story that as you might have guessed, takes place at Walmart.

It was about nine years ago when Nick and I were in school at Mizzou...we had been dating for about six months and Nick was accompanying me on a trip to the Wal-marts to pick up some photos I'd had developed (this was in the days when we developed FILM and had envelope upon envelope of random pictures around...not like today when all of my photos are just sitting in files on my laptop...again, I digress).

So, I pick up the photos from the counter and Nick and I walk out to my car.  It's important that you know at this point that I had been experiencing difficulty with my 1994 Saturn SL1's ignition and locks.  So, when I put my key in the door lock (oh, yeah - no keyless entry...old school, baby!) and it wouldn't move, I was a little perplexed but not entirely surprised.  I continued to try and force the key to open the car, but to no avail.  I tried the passenger side...no luck.  Nick and I alternately jimmy, pound and smack the door, window and locks hoping to get in.  But again...no luck.

As luck would have it (or so I thought) the driver side window was slightly cracked.  So, no problem...Nick tells me...why don't we just go into the Wal-marts and get ourselves a wire hanger (soon, I will be bringing new meaning to No More Wire HANGERS!) and jimmy the lock open.  He said it with such authority and confidence, I had no choice but to believe him.  (Also, as you'll recall, this was 6 months into our relationship and I wasn't really at the point yet where I doubted all of his ideas.  That came later.  You understand.)  I rejoiced and thanked my lucky stars for such a genius boyfriend. 

As we turned to walk in the Wal-marts, for some reason I thought...Wow...this envelope of photos is really annoying.  I do not want to carry it any longer.  I shall wedge it into the open car window and leave it in the car.  Brilliant!  Now my hands are free and I can proceed with the task.  Five minutes later, we have returned with a wire hanger and Nick expertly MacGyvers the sh*t out of said hanger into what we hoped would be our salvation. 

I bet you're wondering...well, this doesn't sound stupid at all.  In fact, it sounds like a totally reasonable and effective way to deal with the situation.  You should be applauded for your ability to behave like a rational, calm adult in the face of adversity. 

And you'd be right...if the car that we were trying to break into WAS ACTUALLY MINE.

I happened to look inside the car and notice...that the interior was not the same color as the interior of my car.

As it turns out, there was another gray 1994 Saturn SL1 in the parking lot and for reason only God knows, the driver of said car did not walk outside to the parking lot of the Wal-Marts to find two college kids trying to break into the car in BROAD DAYLIGHT. 

My reaction is exactly what you'd expect...I ran like my life depended on it to my ACTUAL car which was one row over and further back in the lot.  Once safely ensconced in my car, I started giggling...and then laughing...and then Nick got in the car and we both lost it in complete hysterics.  You see, at this point we were too stupid to realize my fatal mistake...

The pictures I had shoved through a one inch opening in the other car's window, which were now sitting in that car's driver seat.  Nick insisted that I wait and just explain the situation to the owner and request the photos.  And I said...hells no.  There is no scenario in which I do not sound like a crazy person in this situation. 

So, we left, tears streaming down our face and me red-faced both of embarrassment and from laughing.  The next week, I returned and instead of asking the attendant if anyone had turned in the photos (so that I didn't have to pay for them again), I quietly inquired about whether there were any photos ready for me and when the attendant put the familiar looking envelope in front of me, I felt no shame in buying them...again.

It still makes me giggle to think of the owner of the other Saturn opening their car and finding a mysterious packet of photos...like, I wonder if they thought they had a secret admirer? Or a stalker?  Maybe who takes a lot of pictures with her friends where they appear to be drunk (but obviously they weren't because that wouldn't be responsible)?  What's the thought process here?  One of life's great mysteries...

New and Improved...IVF the Sequel

As I mentioned earlier this week, we have a new IVF calendar.  Since I know you all like to know EXACTLY what is going on with my ovaries on a day to day basis, here's the calendar.  Follow along at home, kids.

October 5 - Start Lupron 10 units (ovulation suppression) daily injection
October 8 - End Desogen, continue one baby aspirin daily
October 12 - Baseline ultrasound
October 14 - Start 'stims' - Follistim 175 units each day, Decrease Lupron to 3 units
October 18 - Continue stims, Ultrasound/labs
October 21 - Continue stims, Ultrasound/labs
October 23 - Continue stims, Ultrasound/labs
October 25 or 26 - Egg Retrieval
October 30 or 31 - Embryo Transfer (we're doing a 5 day embryo transfer this cycle instead of a 3 day transfer...the number of days refers to how 'old' the embryos are/how much they're developed)
November 1 - on - pray, worry, repeat

In other exciting IVF news, our medicines have been purchased and all paperwork has been completed, so we're officially ready.  Well, as ready as one can be.

I've already done some super mathematical calculations (i.e. I googled it) and if I get pregnant with one baby, I'll be due mid-July.  If I get pregnant with twins, in all likelihood, I'd deliver some time in June.  Yay for being pregnant in the summer!  As if I don't hate being hot enough.  Sounds like a good excuse to spend a lot of time at the pool to me.

Thankful for Thursday...The Triumphant Return!

First off, I'm going to pat myself on the back because I'm actually writing Thankful for Thursday ON WEDNESDAY.  Look at me not procrastinate!

So, in no particular order...my intentional gratitude for this week...

#1 - Rainy days and scary books...I know most people beg for nice sunny weather, but every once in awhile, it's nice to have a gray, drizzly day and cozy up with a book and a mug of coffee and a cat on your lap.  This weekend, I read two great mysteries- Promise Not to Tell by Jennifer McMahon and Before I Go To Sleep by S.J. Watson.  It's so rare that I'm genuinely surprised by an ending in a book and both of these left me thinking...and frankly, pretty creeped out.  My book reading moods change with the seasons and autumn is decidedly mystery and thriller season for me.

#2 - Great co-workers...I have been reminded this week how truly great my co-workers (and former co-workers) are...it's kind of like having a second family...awkward family photos and all.  :)

#3 - Now I'm going to be really mean and tell you that I can't actually tell you what #3 is because it's not my secret to tell, but I got some really exciting news on a project today from a dear family member.  I was flattered to have been asked to help with this Super Top Secret Project and can't wait to learn more.

What are you grateful for this week?

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego, er....Sarah?

My parent should have known I was destined to get a geography degree because of my love for the PBS mid-90s geography quiz show, Carmen San Diego…and the theme song…so catchy.

As  you might have guessed, life has been a little crazier than normal at the Haberberger Homestead.  On the Monday of Labor Day (after having spent a delightful anniversary weekend in our old stomping grounds in Columbia), I was sitting down to (belatedly) post my Thankful for Thursday post (as several of you had pointed out, I was late in only my second week of intentional gratitude).

The phone rang and it was Nick…a transcript of our call.

Me: Hello, dear!

Nick: I am on my way home, I had a bad crash on my bike, I’ll be there in 40 minutes, you need to take me to the hospital.

Me: Okay, I’ll see you then.

Call ends.

I immediately freak out that I didn’t ask for ANY details.  However, I made good use of that 40 minutes – packing bags for us both (since Nick was both conscious and coherent, I assumed he was not mortally wounded, but in my head, I was already planning for a hospital stay), collecting phone chargers, preparing my car for what was sure to be a bloody and battered Nick (which really just amounted to putting a towel on the passenger side seat.)

A Good Samaritan (a fellow mountain bike rider, as it turns out) pulled up shortly after and deposited my husband and off we went to the emergency room.  After many painful hours at the hospital, it was determined that he had separated his shoulder and we were sent home with a prescription for Percoset and a sling.  He was home from work that week and his mom came to stay with us for a few days to help out (thank you!!!), but he has since made fairly rapid process.  I like to say that he’s gone from being one-armed to 1.5 armed.  He improved enough to host a gathering of some of my work friends for what we dubbed Meatapalooza.

Were I not lazy, I would post pictures of his excellent BBQing, but I am.  (If you're really curious, there's some on both of our Facebook pages).

So, that’s what we’ve been up to.  What's new with you guys? :)

Oh, and we also are postponing our IVF cycle by a few weeks.  I had a small anxiety attack when Nick first hurt himself and assumed I would be what I'm affectionately referring to as a 'single mother' to Nick (believe me, I understand that what I experienced is in no way close to what single parents go through...however, I think it's a fairly apt description of the worst of the days when he could do nothing but mope and sigh.) for 6-8 weeks.  Stressful, no?  So, I asked the clinic if we could postpone it a bit so as not to add another layer of complexity and they said of course.  Actually, a more apt description of the series of events would be to say that I left several increasingly teary messages on the nurse's voicemail and eventually wore them down.  Yeah!

So, the combination of normal life stress + IVF stress + Nick nearly killing himself on his bike stress has resulted in two events.

#1 - At a recent doctor visit, I had a high blood pressure reading for the first time EVER.  I'm always secretly delighted when I have my blood pressure taken because it's ALWAYS good and I am a compliment whore...even if it's just for good blood pressure.  But this time...it was higher than normal...not HIGH-high, but still...not good.  When the nurse said "Oh, dear - this is a little higher than your last couple of readings...is there anything particular going on?"  OH HONEY...WHERE DO I START?

#2 - For the last several days, I've had a stress headache that Will Not Go Away.  I was nearly in tears on the way home from work today I was so uncomfortable (Side note...I feel like all the talk about tears would lead you all to believe that I am now and have forever been just a big blubbering mess all the time.  The truth is I almost never cry.  I AM MADE OF STEEL, Y'ALL.  Well, I almost never cried before - now it's like a leaky faucet.)  I decided to make an emergency call to the massage therapist for an appointment (I know...wah! My life is so hard!  I have to get a massage!) and luckily they were able to squeeze me in tonight.  So, the massage therapist starts working on my shoulders and exclaims "HELLO!"  Not sure if we were just greeting each other again, I responded with a tentative "Hi?"  She then tells me that I have the tensest shoulders she's ever worked on and spent the next 45 minutes basically beating the crap out of me, but in the best way possible.  I have to admit, in an incredibly sick way, I was thrilled to be WINNING at STRESS.  If you're going to do something, do it all the way is my motto...even life-endangering stress. 

All this by way of saying, I think I need to take a little better care of myself and manage my stress better.  Which, frankly, I don't FEEL that stressed, but it's also possible that I've been stressedIVF success is your mindset/stress level, so I best be getting myself under control.

Hmmm....that wasn't so bad!  I've been putting off posting for lack of knowing what to say, but as it turns out, I HAVE A LOT TO SAY.   Until next time...me and my hunched shoulders bid you adieu!

IVF The Sequel...it has begun!

First off, many thanks to my friend Elisa for commenting that she hoped IVF The Sequel was much like The Godfather Part II...in that it blows the original out of the water.  For some reason, I now picture God looking like Don Corleone...so hopefully the Father and the Godfather look kindly upon this cycle. 

Most of the paperwork has been done and bills have been paid and now we have our calendar.

Suppression Phase:

August 29th - start Desogen and baby aspirin

September 8th - injection teach (I will OWN this!) and hysterosonogram

September 15th - start Lupron injections

Stimulation Phase:

September 22nd - Baseline ultrasound and labs

September 24th - Follistim injections begin

September 28th - Ultrasound/labs

October 1st - Ultrasound/labs

October 2nd - lest my mother think I forgot - Family Photo Shoot with Elaina :)

October 3rd - Ultrasound/labs

October 5th or 6th - Egg Retrieval, begin Progesterone

October 9th or 10th - Embryo Transfer

October 11th - ? - Nervous twiddling of fingers while we wait. :)

Of birthday and bikes and cupcakes and art and shoes....

This was a big weekend for the Berger household...lots of events and celebration and cupcakes.  First up, I spent Friday evening with many good friends at MOCSA's Young At Art Event which was a combination cocktail party, art auction and concert.   I, along with a couple of my favorite ladies, were volunteers and my role that evening was Bid Police.  (I actually used a far more colorful term to describe myself that starts with b and ends with itch, but then I realized I'm far too classy to call myself that publicly.) 

Essentially, they set my friend Elizabeth and I loose with Sharpies and a mandate to ensure all patrons were following the bid rules.  It was slow going at first...not a lot of bid infractions...in fact, at one point, we begged some friends to make illegal bids just so we could whip out The Official Bid Infraction Marker.  However, as the wine flew, people got a little more creative with their bids and kept us busy.

My mom and her 'neighborhood ladies' also were at the event, both to show their support for a fellow neighbor who works at MOCSA and in my mom's case, because The Elders were playing and she's something of a groupie of theirs.  (Case in Point: She and my dad at one point contemplated a trip to Ireland to follow The Elders on tour).  I've always known my mom was cool, but I think she impressed my friends with her hipness AND apparently I must have left too soon because rumor has it she was on the dance floor.  Scandalous!  In any event, it was a great evening for a great cause.  It was one of the first events I've been to since I transitioned out of fundraising/event planning and wow, does it feel good to not be the one in charge. :)

Saturday, I was awoken at the crack of dawn by darling husband...he wants to compete at the Rapture in Misery mountain bike race in September and wanted me to join me him on a trip to check out the course.  (Ed. note: the race organizers should really reconsider their marketing...who wants to compete in a race with 'misery' in the name?)  Because it was his birthday weekend, I obliged.  The course was (darn!) too difficult for me to try, so I got to sit in the shade and read.  Nick did great for his first time and cleared the 9 mile course in about 1 hr 20 minutes which was less than he had estimated.  He'll have to do the course two times at the race, so this was good practice.  After he burned 1,850 calories (I KNOW!) and I burned about 6 calories while reading, we had a picnic lunch by the lake. 

The most exciting part of the trip for me was driving through Jamesport, Missouri - home of the largest Amish settlement in Missouri.  We saw several Amish men in their austere clothing working at the lumberyard and even more exciting, several horse and buggies.  I begged Nick to take me to the Amish shops...but he reminded me that we had a birthday party to attend.  I spent the rest of the trip home looking up Amish facts and sharing them with Nick, something I have no doubt he very much appreciated, though it was difficult speaking over the radio as he kept turning the volume up higher and higher.

Saturday evening, my parents hosted a joint birthday party for Nick's 32nd birthday and my Grandma Courtney's 104th and we got to see all of the Courtney/Hill clan.  Grandma was showered with gifts and cake and cupcakes...she's a pretty incredible lady so it was wonderful to celebrate that.  Our local paper did a feature on her and I can't wait to get my hands on the photo they used.   But more on her another time...she deserves a whole post of her own.  Nick didn't fare too badly that evening either and left with several gifts and bottles of wine that I have already laid claim to.

Today, Nick got up uncharacteristically early...probably because it was his official birthday and we have sort of an unwritten rule or doctrine, if you will, that the birthday girl or boy gets the royal treatment on their birthday/week...and sometimes, month.  Nick was a benevolent dictator this year, so we had a quick lunch and then enjoyed what has become a birthday tradition...new tennis shoes at New Balance (thanks to my mom and dad for the gift card!).  He's currently out riding his bike again, so I'm trying to catch up on laundry and other stuff around the house and plan to make my darling hot sauce loving husband - these for dinner.

Lest you think this was a post not brought to you by the letters I, V, and F...a quick update!  We are officially in IVF The Sequel and will begin injections mid-September.  I had an appointment on Friday and everything looks good, so please commence finger and toe crossing, m'kay?

Hope you all had as wonderful a weekend as we did...

Thankful Thursday

I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude lately.  I have so much to be grateful for – husband, family and friends too great to even describe, a career that I love, a roof over my head and the chance that Nick and I will soon have a family together.

During my, ahem, minor breakdown last week, I tried to remember to be grateful for all of these things, but there’s something about being grateful about things that are so big and broad that doesn’t always hit home for me.  So…I’m starting a new blog feature, Thankful Thursday, which is really more for me than you, but dems de breaks. 

If you know me at all, you know that I’m obsessed with Oprah and she has often said that having a gratitude journal is a great way to remember all that is good about your life.  So, this is my attempt. I would have liked to have titled this feature using the word gratitude but I also have a love of alliteration - so Thankful Thursday it is.  It will also force me to post at least once a week.  I know...YOU'RE WELCOME!

The rules are: 1) I have to write about at least three things I am grateful for that week, 2) I have to be as specific as possible and 3 )I can break the rules if I want. 

So, here’s my first try.  I’m grateful this week for…

1.)    Pinterest…I love pretty things.  I love making lists.  Pinterest combines my two great loves into one handy addiction.  I actually find myself getting up earlier in the morning to spend my mornings perusing the latest pins while drinking my half-caff latte, imagining all of the craft projects I'm likely never going to do, home improvement projects I could never afford and outfits that I could never pull off.  Actually, it sounds sort of depressing when I type it all out, but I promise...I'm thankful for it.

2.)   My cats...you guys, I am a total crazy cat lady.  I probably have more pictures of my cats then I do family or friends.  The crazy thing is...I swear they know when I'm upset.  They virtually never left my side during the Week O' Crazy Meds.  Here's a couple of pictures of my adorable feline babies.

OMG! Kitty Snugglez!

Zoe is scared of thunder so she retreats to the bathroom whenever there's a thunderstorm.  Yes, that is a Jimmy Johns wrapper in the trash.  Don't ask.

Ignore the pile of linens that need to be put away in the background, but Carl likes to burrow into anything soft and cozy.   And I like to take 17 pictures of him doing that.

 3.)  Finally, I'm thankful for...gratitude.  I was driving by this house near our neighborhood the other day.  It's a gorgeous house - set up on a hill with tons of acres and a pond and horses and it's just....gorgeous.  I've driven by the house so many times and thought "What I wouldn't give to have that house..." On this particular day, however, I drove by and thought "That's a pretty house...but I have almost everything I need and I know the final piece (babies in case you haven't been paying attention AT ALL) is around the corner.  It was such a strange and surreal feeling to be happy with everything I have and completely focused on starting a family.  It was actually that feeling that spurred me to start making a lists of what I'm grateful for in a more intentional way.

Okay, your turn!  Write down or think about three very specific things you're grateful for at this moment.

Damn You, Pottery Barn!

Oh, hello, there...have you missed me?...if you've seen me or spoken with me in the last week, it's entirely possible you thought one of three things a) is she drunk? (and if you saw me at Cooking Club, the answer actually might have been maybe, depends on who is asking) b) is she crazy? or c) has she lost weight?  Maybe not the last one. (But my skin is positively glowing thanks to the chia seeds.  ARE YOU ALL ON THE CHIA SEEDS YET????)

After the doctor visit last week, he put me on a couple of medicines to prepare me for the next round of IVF.  What he didn't tell me, but I found out by doing Very Important Research (Googling) is that some people respond poorly to one of the drugs.  And by poorly, I mean...they pretty much lose their minds.  The drug is a high dose of a hormone and in addition to knocking me out within 15 minutes of taking it (luckily I took it at night), it made me foggy, easily distractable (more so than usual) and I had pretty much a non-stop migraine.

It also made me ever so slightly COMPLETELY INSANE.  I cried at the drop of a hat over things that were happy, things that were sad, things that were neither happy nor sad but just...were.  Let me give you a sampling of things I burst into tears over in the last week.

• A Pottery Barn catalog (I saw this desk that I just looooved and it was so pretty and organized and I had to cry from the sheer beauty of it)
• The fact that my cats are going to die...in like ten years
• When I couldn't get the lid off of a bottled water (I swear to GOD you have to be a genius to get bottled water open these days)
• When I wanted to wear my favorite pair of gold platform sandals but they didn't match my outfit that day (yes, I know...in retrospect, I could have just changed clothes)
• How pretty my shoes look lined up in my closet (I have a shoe problem)
• Pretty  much any quote I read on Pinterest (are you on Pinterest yet?  If not...don't start.  It will seduce you in with a few pictures of a newly subway tiled kitchen and a new recipe or two...then you'll shake your head, realize six hours have gone by, you're drooling and you've just 'pinned' craft projects that you could never do nor should you attempt to do.  So it's fun...is what I'm saying.)
• Pictures of babies (and not even because I was SAD that we don't have one...just because they're so adorable and precious and innocent and ohmygod, sob, sob, sob)
• the movie Jane Eyre
• the movie Something Borrowed (I purposely listed Jane Eyre first so you would think I was somewhat cultured and not judge me for the chick flick)
• the fact that my Nook library collection is growing larger while my hard copy book collection is dwindling
• how cute it is when the cats snuggle up with Nick to take a nap
• pretty much every email I got
• pretty much every voicemail I got
• pretty much every blog I read
• pretty much all interactions with people in general

You might think I'm exaggerating, but I assure you (as does Nick), 'tis quite true.  And the problem was...I KNEW it was the medicine and I knew I would feel better soon (Sneak preview...I'm off the meds now and feel about 1,870% better) and yet that didn't make it any better.

So, I did what anyone would do under these conditions, stayed in bed and watched a lot of bad Lifetime movies (because, really, when you're feeling bad nothing makes you feel BETTER than recognizing your life doesn't suck as much as someone whose husband is trying to kill them, or someone who is plotting to kill their husband, or someone who is having an affair with their neighbor and said neighbor's wife is plotting to kill them, or basically any movie where Tracey Gold or Nancy McKeon portrays the lead.)

I have emerged now from my cocoon of female-centric (but also strangely misogynistic) movies and hiding under the covers and feel just fine.  So fine, in fact, that I debated whether or not I should even write about this.  Then I decided...file this under Mom Guilt.  Yo, I'm stacking up mad Mom Guilt points.  My kids won't be able to even LOOK ASKANCE at me without me whispering to them "do you know what I went through to have you?" And they'll probably just roll their eyes at me and be all "God, Mom...you're so annoying."  But then they'll do whatever it was I asked them to do in the first place (right? Right?!)

I think that's just good planning.

Eat your veggies...

(Ed. note: I actually wrote this last week, but Blogger was giving me a headache and I never got around to publishing)

After a groundswell of demand for Bringing Up Berger posts (okay, it was just two of you), I am back by not even moderately popular demand. 

No, the truth is...I do intend to keep up with the blog.  It serves multiple purposes - keeping you all updated on what's going on, giving me an outlet, and hopefully, most importantly documenting all the PAIN and ANGUISH that we went through to have children (Children...if you are reading this in the future...there was a LOT of pain and anguish.  So, go give your ol' mom and dad and hug.  And go brush your teeth.  And clean your rooms.  And make sure you're wearing clean underwear. Okay, fine...just make sure you're wearing underwear.)

So what have I been doing while not tending to this blog? This weekend, we drove to St. Louis for my mother in law, Rose's 60th birthday and my sister in law Becky's uh...another significant birthday.  She's sort of sensitive about it.  I'm not sure why...she doesn't look a day over 25 (and she didn't pay me to say that!).  We semi-surprised Rose with a family portrait and we decided this weekend made the most sense.  We found a great photographer who in addition to doing family photography is also the official photographer of the St. Louis Zoo.  I have now on four separate occasions made a joke about the photographer definitely being able to handle us if he's used to monkeys, bears and tigers.  But I won't do that here. That would be cheap.

The rest of the weekend was spent eating and drinking.  I had only had ONE drink in the last two months, so I made up for lost time by sharing multiple mimosas with the ladies and my brother in law, Dan (the only male brave enough to join us) and enjoying several pieces of birthday red velvet cake, which despite lacking pecans, was still delightful. :)

Nick managed to rein in his eating and drinking all weekend and made the rest of us feel like slugs by going for a two hour bike ride and burning nearly 2,000 calories while we drank champagne and ate cake.  I'm surprised the halo around his head didn't poke one of us in the eye. 

By the time we got back to KC, I felt the need to detox, so in addition to upping my morning shake ouncage (is that a word? I just made it up, I think), I planned meals that were very fruit and veggie heavy.  What follows is what I did.  I don't necessarily think I am the greatest cook in the world nor am I the best at nutrition (see: cake and champagne), but one thing I am excellent at is making eating healthy as simple and easy as possible.  So, hopefully this helps someone.

About once a week in the summer, I cut up a ton of veggies into one inch pieces, put them in a roasting pan, add a couple of tablespoons of olive oil, add sea salt and freshly ground black pepper and roast at 400 degrees for about 35 minutes.  (Alert!  Bad photography warning...I abhor ugly pictures of food but consider this demonstrative not skillful photography).

This smells amazing while roasting in the oven.  That evening, we had the roasted veggies along with grilled chicken, but since there were obviously plenty of leftovers, here's what we did the next day.

Breakfast: Omelet with roasted veggies for Nick...I had my usual scary shake (Note: I do not have latent 1950s housewife tendencies and get up and make breakfast for Nick every day.  Only once in awhile when I'm feeling nice.  Or I want him to watch The Bachelor with me.)

Lunch: Roasted Veggie and Hummus Wrap (I used the La Tortilla Factory wraps because they are very low calorie and high in fiber.  I slathered a very generous serving of hummus on the wrap, layered the roasted veggies, added some spinach, and topped with feta cheese.)

There you have it - 15 minutes to cut up the veggies, 35 minutes to roast, three meals.  I am a genius.