First off, many thanks to my friend Elisa for commenting that she hoped IVF The Sequel was much like The Godfather Part II...in that it blows the original out of the water. For some reason, I now picture God looking like Don Corleone...so hopefully the Father and the Godfather look kindly upon this cycle.
Most of the paperwork has been done and bills have been paid and now we have our calendar.
Suppression Phase:
August 29th - start Desogen and baby aspirin
September 8th - injection teach (I will OWN this!) and hysterosonogram
September 15th - start Lupron injections
Stimulation Phase:
September 22nd - Baseline ultrasound and labs
September 24th - Follistim injections begin
September 28th - Ultrasound/labs
October 1st - Ultrasound/labs
October 2nd - lest my mother think I forgot - Family Photo Shoot with Elaina :)
October 3rd - Ultrasound/labs
October 5th or 6th - Egg Retrieval, begin Progesterone
October 9th or 10th - Embryo Transfer
October 11th - ? - Nervous twiddling of fingers while we wait. :)
Monday, August 29, 2011
Sunday, August 28, 2011
Of birthday and bikes and cupcakes and art and shoes....
This was a big weekend for the Berger household...lots of events and celebration and cupcakes. First up, I spent Friday evening with many good friends at MOCSA's Young At Art Event which was a combination cocktail party, art auction and concert. I, along with a couple of my favorite ladies, were volunteers and my role that evening was Bid Police. (I actually used a far more colorful term to describe myself that starts with b and ends with itch, but then I realized I'm far too classy to call myself that publicly.)
Essentially, they set my friend Elizabeth and I loose with Sharpies and a mandate to ensure all patrons were following the bid rules. It was slow going at first...not a lot of bid infractions...in fact, at one point, we begged some friends to make illegal bids just so we could whip out The Official Bid Infraction Marker. However, as the wine flew, people got a little more creative with their bids and kept us busy.
My mom and her 'neighborhood ladies' also were at the event, both to show their support for a fellow neighbor who works at MOCSA and in my mom's case, because The Elders were playing and she's something of a groupie of theirs. (Case in Point: She and my dad at one point contemplated a trip to Ireland to follow The Elders on tour). I've always known my mom was cool, but I think she impressed my friends with her hipness AND apparently I must have left too soon because rumor has it she was on the dance floor. Scandalous! In any event, it was a great evening for a great cause. It was one of the first events I've been to since I transitioned out of fundraising/event planning and wow, does it feel good to not be the one in charge. :)
Saturday, I was awoken at the crack of dawn by darling husband...he wants to compete at the Rapture in Misery mountain bike race in September and wanted me to join me him on a trip to check out the course. (Ed. note: the race organizers should really reconsider their marketing...who wants to compete in a race with 'misery' in the name?) Because it was his birthday weekend, I obliged. The course was (darn!) too difficult for me to try, so I got to sit in the shade and read. Nick did great for his first time and cleared the 9 mile course in about 1 hr 20 minutes which was less than he had estimated. He'll have to do the course two times at the race, so this was good practice. After he burned 1,850 calories (I KNOW!) and I burned about 6 calories while reading, we had a picnic lunch by the lake.
The most exciting part of the trip for me was driving through Jamesport, Missouri - home of the largest Amish settlement in Missouri. We saw several Amish men in their austere clothing working at the lumberyard and even more exciting, several horse and buggies. I begged Nick to take me to the Amish shops...but he reminded me that we had a birthday party to attend. I spent the rest of the trip home looking up Amish facts and sharing them with Nick, something I have no doubt he very much appreciated, though it was difficult speaking over the radio as he kept turning the volume up higher and higher.
Saturday evening, my parents hosted a joint birthday party for Nick's 32nd birthday and my Grandma Courtney's 104th and we got to see all of the Courtney/Hill clan. Grandma was showered with gifts and cake and cupcakes...she's a pretty incredible lady so it was wonderful to celebrate that. Our local paper did a feature on her and I can't wait to get my hands on the photo they used. But more on her another time...she deserves a whole post of her own. Nick didn't fare too badly that evening either and left with several gifts and bottles of wine that I have already laid claim to.
Today, Nick got up uncharacteristically early...probably because it was his official birthday and we have sort of an unwritten rule or doctrine, if you will, that the birthday girl or boy gets the royal treatment on their birthday/week...and sometimes, month. Nick was a benevolent dictator this year, so we had a quick lunch and then enjoyed what has become a birthday tradition...new tennis shoes at New Balance (thanks to my mom and dad for the gift card!). He's currently out riding his bike again, so I'm trying to catch up on laundry and other stuff around the house and plan to make my darling hot sauce loving husband - these for dinner.
Lest you think this was a post not brought to you by the letters I, V, and F...a quick update! We are officially in IVF The Sequel and will begin injections mid-September. I had an appointment on Friday and everything looks good, so please commence finger and toe crossing, m'kay?
Hope you all had as wonderful a weekend as we did...
Essentially, they set my friend Elizabeth and I loose with Sharpies and a mandate to ensure all patrons were following the bid rules. It was slow going at first...not a lot of bid infractions...in fact, at one point, we begged some friends to make illegal bids just so we could whip out The Official Bid Infraction Marker. However, as the wine flew, people got a little more creative with their bids and kept us busy.
My mom and her 'neighborhood ladies' also were at the event, both to show their support for a fellow neighbor who works at MOCSA and in my mom's case, because The Elders were playing and she's something of a groupie of theirs. (Case in Point: She and my dad at one point contemplated a trip to Ireland to follow The Elders on tour). I've always known my mom was cool, but I think she impressed my friends with her hipness AND apparently I must have left too soon because rumor has it she was on the dance floor. Scandalous! In any event, it was a great evening for a great cause. It was one of the first events I've been to since I transitioned out of fundraising/event planning and wow, does it feel good to not be the one in charge. :)
Saturday, I was awoken at the crack of dawn by darling husband...he wants to compete at the Rapture in Misery mountain bike race in September and wanted me to join me him on a trip to check out the course. (Ed. note: the race organizers should really reconsider their marketing...who wants to compete in a race with 'misery' in the name?) Because it was his birthday weekend, I obliged. The course was (darn!) too difficult for me to try, so I got to sit in the shade and read. Nick did great for his first time and cleared the 9 mile course in about 1 hr 20 minutes which was less than he had estimated. He'll have to do the course two times at the race, so this was good practice. After he burned 1,850 calories (I KNOW!) and I burned about 6 calories while reading, we had a picnic lunch by the lake.
The most exciting part of the trip for me was driving through Jamesport, Missouri - home of the largest Amish settlement in Missouri. We saw several Amish men in their austere clothing working at the lumberyard and even more exciting, several horse and buggies. I begged Nick to take me to the Amish shops...but he reminded me that we had a birthday party to attend. I spent the rest of the trip home looking up Amish facts and sharing them with Nick, something I have no doubt he very much appreciated, though it was difficult speaking over the radio as he kept turning the volume up higher and higher.
Saturday evening, my parents hosted a joint birthday party for Nick's 32nd birthday and my Grandma Courtney's 104th and we got to see all of the Courtney/Hill clan. Grandma was showered with gifts and cake and cupcakes...she's a pretty incredible lady so it was wonderful to celebrate that. Our local paper did a feature on her and I can't wait to get my hands on the photo they used. But more on her another time...she deserves a whole post of her own. Nick didn't fare too badly that evening either and left with several gifts and bottles of wine that I have already laid claim to.
Today, Nick got up uncharacteristically early...probably because it was his official birthday and we have sort of an unwritten rule or doctrine, if you will, that the birthday girl or boy gets the royal treatment on their birthday/week...and sometimes, month. Nick was a benevolent dictator this year, so we had a quick lunch and then enjoyed what has become a birthday tradition...new tennis shoes at New Balance (thanks to my mom and dad for the gift card!). He's currently out riding his bike again, so I'm trying to catch up on laundry and other stuff around the house and plan to make my darling hot sauce loving husband - these for dinner.
Lest you think this was a post not brought to you by the letters I, V, and F...a quick update! We are officially in IVF The Sequel and will begin injections mid-September. I had an appointment on Friday and everything looks good, so please commence finger and toe crossing, m'kay?
Hope you all had as wonderful a weekend as we did...
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Thankful Thursday
I’ve been thinking a lot about gratitude lately. I have so much to be grateful for – husband, family and friends too great to even describe, a career that I love, a roof over my head and the chance that Nick and I will soon have a family together.
During my, ahem, minor breakdown last week, I tried to remember to be grateful for all of these things, but there’s something about being grateful about things that are so big and broad that doesn’t always hit home for me. So…I’m starting a new blog feature, Thankful Thursday, which is really more for me than you, but dems de breaks.
If you know me at all, you know that I’m obsessed with Oprah and she has often said that having a gratitude journal is a great way to remember all that is good about your life. So, this is my attempt. I would have liked to have titled this feature using the word gratitude but I also have a love of alliteration - so Thankful Thursday it is. It will also force me to post at least once a week. I know...YOU'RE WELCOME!
The rules are: 1) I have to write about at least three things I am grateful for that week, 2) I have to be as specific as possible and 3 )I can break the rules if I want.
So, here’s my first try. I’m grateful this week for…
1.) Pinterest…I love pretty things. I love making lists. Pinterest combines my two great loves into one handy addiction. I actually find myself getting up earlier in the morning to spend my mornings perusing the latest pins while drinking my half-caff latte, imagining all of the craft projects I'm likely never going to do, home improvement projects I could never afford and outfits that I could never pull off. Actually, it sounds sort of depressing when I type it all out, but I promise...I'm thankful for it.
2.) My cats...you guys, I am a total crazy cat lady. I probably have more pictures of my cats then I do family or friends. The crazy thing is...I swear they know when I'm upset. They virtually never left my side during the Week O' Crazy Meds. Here's a couple of pictures of my adorable feline babies.
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| OMG! Kitty Snugglez! |
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| Zoe is scared of thunder so she retreats to the bathroom whenever there's a thunderstorm. Yes, that is a Jimmy Johns wrapper in the trash. Don't ask. |
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| Ignore the pile of linens that need to be put away in the background, but Carl likes to burrow into anything soft and cozy. And I like to take 17 pictures of him doing that. |
3.) Finally, I'm thankful for...gratitude. I was driving by this house near our neighborhood the other day. It's a gorgeous house - set up on a hill with tons of acres and a pond and horses and it's just....gorgeous. I've driven by the house so many times and thought "What I wouldn't give to have that house..." On this particular day, however, I drove by and thought "That's a pretty house...but I have almost everything I need and I know the final piece (babies in case you haven't been paying attention AT ALL) is around the corner. It was such a strange and surreal feeling to be happy with everything I have and completely focused on starting a family. It was actually that feeling that spurred me to start making a lists of what I'm grateful for in a more intentional way.
Okay, your turn! Write down or think about three very specific things you're grateful for at this moment.
Wednesday, August 24, 2011
Damn You, Pottery Barn!
Oh, hello, there...have you missed me?...if you've seen me or spoken with me in the last week, it's entirely possible you thought one of three things a) is she drunk? (and if you saw me at Cooking Club, the answer actually might have been maybe, depends on who is asking) b) is she crazy? or c) has she lost weight? Maybe not the last one. (But my skin is positively glowing thanks to the chia seeds. ARE YOU ALL ON THE CHIA SEEDS YET????)
After the doctor visit last week, he put me on a couple of medicines to prepare me for the next round of IVF. What he didn't tell me, but I found out by doing Very Important Research (Googling) is that some people respond poorly to one of the drugs. And by poorly, I mean...they pretty much lose their minds. The drug is a high dose of a hormone and in addition to knocking me out within 15 minutes of taking it (luckily I took it at night), it made me foggy, easily distractable (more so than usual) and I had pretty much a non-stop migraine.
It also made me ever so slightly COMPLETELY INSANE. I cried at the drop of a hat over things that were happy, things that were sad, things that were neither happy nor sad but just...were. Let me give you a sampling of things I burst into tears over in the last week.
So, I did what anyone would do under these conditions, stayed in bed and watched a lot of bad Lifetime movies (because, really, when you're feeling bad nothing makes you feel BETTER than recognizing your life doesn't suck as much as someone whose husband is trying to kill them, or someone who is plotting to kill their husband, or someone who is having an affair with their neighbor and said neighbor's wife is plotting to kill them, or basically any movie where Tracey Gold or Nancy McKeon portrays the lead.)
I have emerged now from my cocoon of female-centric (but also strangely misogynistic) movies and hiding under the covers and feel just fine. So fine, in fact, that I debated whether or not I should even write about this. Then I decided...file this under Mom Guilt. Yo, I'm stacking up mad Mom Guilt points. My kids won't be able to even LOOK ASKANCE at me without me whispering to them "do you know what I went through to have you?" And they'll probably just roll their eyes at me and be all "God, Mom...you're so annoying." But then they'll do whatever it was I asked them to do in the first place (right? Right?!)
I think that's just good planning.
After the doctor visit last week, he put me on a couple of medicines to prepare me for the next round of IVF. What he didn't tell me, but I found out by doing Very Important Research (Googling) is that some people respond poorly to one of the drugs. And by poorly, I mean...they pretty much lose their minds. The drug is a high dose of a hormone and in addition to knocking me out within 15 minutes of taking it (luckily I took it at night), it made me foggy, easily distractable (more so than usual) and I had pretty much a non-stop migraine.
It also made me ever so slightly COMPLETELY INSANE. I cried at the drop of a hat over things that were happy, things that were sad, things that were neither happy nor sad but just...were. Let me give you a sampling of things I burst into tears over in the last week.
- A Pottery Barn catalog (I saw this desk that I just looooved and it was so pretty and organized and I had to cry from the sheer beauty of it)
- The fact that my cats are going to die...in like ten years
- When I couldn't get the lid off of a bottled water (I swear to GOD you have to be a genius to get bottled water open these days)
- When I wanted to wear my favorite pair of gold platform sandals but they didn't match my outfit that day (yes, I know...in retrospect, I could have just changed clothes)
- How pretty my shoes look lined up in my closet (I have a shoe problem)
- Pretty much any quote I read on Pinterest (are you on Pinterest yet? If not...don't start. It will seduce you in with a few pictures of a newly subway tiled kitchen and a new recipe or two...then you'll shake your head, realize six hours have gone by, you're drooling and you've just 'pinned' craft projects that you could never do nor should you attempt to do. So it's fun...is what I'm saying.)
- Pictures of babies (and not even because I was SAD that we don't have one...just because they're so adorable and precious and innocent and ohmygod, sob, sob, sob)
- the movie Jane Eyre
- the movie Something Borrowed (I purposely listed Jane Eyre first so you would think I was somewhat cultured and not judge me for the chick flick)
- the fact that my Nook library collection is growing larger while my hard copy book collection is dwindling
- how cute it is when the cats snuggle up with Nick to take a nap
- pretty much every email I got
- pretty much every voicemail I got
- pretty much every blog I read
- pretty much all interactions with people in general
So, I did what anyone would do under these conditions, stayed in bed and watched a lot of bad Lifetime movies (because, really, when you're feeling bad nothing makes you feel BETTER than recognizing your life doesn't suck as much as someone whose husband is trying to kill them, or someone who is plotting to kill their husband, or someone who is having an affair with their neighbor and said neighbor's wife is plotting to kill them, or basically any movie where Tracey Gold or Nancy McKeon portrays the lead.)
I have emerged now from my cocoon of female-centric (but also strangely misogynistic) movies and hiding under the covers and feel just fine. So fine, in fact, that I debated whether or not I should even write about this. Then I decided...file this under Mom Guilt. Yo, I'm stacking up mad Mom Guilt points. My kids won't be able to even LOOK ASKANCE at me without me whispering to them "do you know what I went through to have you?" And they'll probably just roll their eyes at me and be all "God, Mom...you're so annoying." But then they'll do whatever it was I asked them to do in the first place (right? Right?!)
I think that's just good planning.
Thursday, August 18, 2011
Eat your veggies...
(Ed. note: I actually wrote this last week, but Blogger was giving me a headache and I never got around to publishing)
After a groundswell of demand for Bringing Up Berger posts (okay, it was just two of you), I am back by not even moderately popular demand.
No, the truth is...I do intend to keep up with the blog. It serves multiple purposes - keeping you all updated on what's going on, giving me an outlet, and hopefully, most importantly documenting all the PAIN and ANGUISH that we went through to have children (Children...if you are reading this in the future...there was a LOT of pain and anguish. So, go give your ol' mom and dad and hug. And go brush your teeth. And clean your rooms. And make sure you're wearing clean underwear. Okay, fine...just make sure you're wearing underwear.)
So what have I been doing while not tending to this blog? This weekend, we drove to St. Louis for my mother in law, Rose's 60th birthday and my sister in law Becky's uh...another significant birthday. She's sort of sensitive about it. I'm not sure why...she doesn't look a day over 25 (and she didn't pay me to say that!). We semi-surprised Rose with a family portrait and we decided this weekend made the most sense. We found a great photographer who in addition to doing family photography is also the official photographer of the St. Louis Zoo. I have now on four separate occasions made a joke about the photographer definitely being able to handle us if he's used to monkeys, bears and tigers. But I won't do that here. That would be cheap.
The rest of the weekend was spent eating and drinking. I had only had ONE drink in the last two months, so I made up for lost time by sharing multiple mimosas with the ladies and my brother in law, Dan (the only male brave enough to join us) and enjoying several pieces of birthday red velvet cake, which despite lacking pecans, was still delightful. :)
Nick managed to rein in his eating and drinking all weekend and made the rest of us feel like slugs by going for a two hour bike ride and burning nearly 2,000 calories while we drank champagne and ate cake. I'm surprised the halo around his head didn't poke one of us in the eye.
By the time we got back to KC, I felt the need to detox, so in addition to upping my morning shake ouncage (is that a word? I just made it up, I think), I planned meals that were very fruit and veggie heavy. What follows is what I did. I don't necessarily think I am the greatest cook in the world nor am I the best at nutrition (see: cake and champagne), but one thing I am excellent at is making eating healthy as simple and easy as possible. So, hopefully this helps someone.
About once a week in the summer, I cut up a ton of veggies into one inch pieces, put them in a roasting pan, add a couple of tablespoons of olive oil, add sea salt and freshly ground black pepper and roast at 400 degrees for about 35 minutes. (Alert! Bad photography warning...I abhor ugly pictures of food but consider this demonstrative not skillful photography).
This smells amazing while roasting in the oven. That evening, we had the roasted veggies along with grilled chicken, but since there were obviously plenty of leftovers, here's what we did the next day.
Breakfast: Omelet with roasted veggies for Nick...I had my usual scary shake (Note: I do not have latent 1950s housewife tendencies and get up and make breakfast for Nick every day. Only once in awhile when I'm feeling nice. Or I want him to watch The Bachelor with me.)
Lunch: Roasted Veggie and Hummus Wrap (I used the La Tortilla Factory wraps because they are very low calorie and high in fiber. I slathered a very generous serving of hummus on the wrap, layered the roasted veggies, added some spinach, and topped with feta cheese.)
There you have it - 15 minutes to cut up the veggies, 35 minutes to roast, three meals. I am a genius.
After a groundswell of demand for Bringing Up Berger posts (okay, it was just two of you), I am back by not even moderately popular demand.
No, the truth is...I do intend to keep up with the blog. It serves multiple purposes - keeping you all updated on what's going on, giving me an outlet, and hopefully, most importantly documenting all the PAIN and ANGUISH that we went through to have children (Children...if you are reading this in the future...there was a LOT of pain and anguish. So, go give your ol' mom and dad and hug. And go brush your teeth. And clean your rooms. And make sure you're wearing clean underwear. Okay, fine...just make sure you're wearing underwear.)
So what have I been doing while not tending to this blog? This weekend, we drove to St. Louis for my mother in law, Rose's 60th birthday and my sister in law Becky's uh...another significant birthday. She's sort of sensitive about it. I'm not sure why...she doesn't look a day over 25 (and she didn't pay me to say that!). We semi-surprised Rose with a family portrait and we decided this weekend made the most sense. We found a great photographer who in addition to doing family photography is also the official photographer of the St. Louis Zoo. I have now on four separate occasions made a joke about the photographer definitely being able to handle us if he's used to monkeys, bears and tigers. But I won't do that here. That would be cheap.
The rest of the weekend was spent eating and drinking. I had only had ONE drink in the last two months, so I made up for lost time by sharing multiple mimosas with the ladies and my brother in law, Dan (the only male brave enough to join us) and enjoying several pieces of birthday red velvet cake, which despite lacking pecans, was still delightful. :)
Nick managed to rein in his eating and drinking all weekend and made the rest of us feel like slugs by going for a two hour bike ride and burning nearly 2,000 calories while we drank champagne and ate cake. I'm surprised the halo around his head didn't poke one of us in the eye.
By the time we got back to KC, I felt the need to detox, so in addition to upping my morning shake ouncage (is that a word? I just made it up, I think), I planned meals that were very fruit and veggie heavy. What follows is what I did. I don't necessarily think I am the greatest cook in the world nor am I the best at nutrition (see: cake and champagne), but one thing I am excellent at is making eating healthy as simple and easy as possible. So, hopefully this helps someone.
About once a week in the summer, I cut up a ton of veggies into one inch pieces, put them in a roasting pan, add a couple of tablespoons of olive oil, add sea salt and freshly ground black pepper and roast at 400 degrees for about 35 minutes. (Alert! Bad photography warning...I abhor ugly pictures of food but consider this demonstrative not skillful photography).
This smells amazing while roasting in the oven. That evening, we had the roasted veggies along with grilled chicken, but since there were obviously plenty of leftovers, here's what we did the next day.
Breakfast: Omelet with roasted veggies for Nick...I had my usual scary shake (Note: I do not have latent 1950s housewife tendencies and get up and make breakfast for Nick every day. Only once in awhile when I'm feeling nice. Or I want him to watch The Bachelor with me.)
Lunch: Roasted Veggie and Hummus Wrap (I used the La Tortilla Factory wraps because they are very low calorie and high in fiber. I slathered a very generous serving of hummus on the wrap, layered the roasted veggies, added some spinach, and topped with feta cheese.)
There you have it - 15 minutes to cut up the veggies, 35 minutes to roast, three meals. I am a genius.
Wednesday, August 17, 2011
We're not paying for personality....
I know, I know. I totes abandoned you for a few weeks. Truth be told...an entire summer worth of solely focusing on getting pregnant sort of leaves a path of unfinished projects in its wake (see: our yard, our closet, my desk at work, my nails, etc, etc.)
So, I've been trying to you know, regain, some sort of adult life and routine again. And frankly, it was nice to have a few weeks break from thinking about IVF constantly. I actually wrote several posts during this time but then got too lazy to hit publish...so more to come soon.
But, a quick update! We had our appointment with our third fertility doctor of the year yesterday and as I mentioned on Facebook...hopefully the third time's the charm. The title of this post is a quote from yours truly to a friend who asked me how the visit went. Answer: good! Our first doctor scared us. The second doctor both impressed and scared us. This one...asked us on four separate occasions if we had any other questions. Tell me...have you ever known a doctor to do that? The rest of the quote would be (We're not paying for personality), BUT...it sure doesn't hurt. All this to say that we like and trust the new doctor (who has also treated one of our good friends) and are moving forward with our next cycle like...soon.
We had two tests that this doctor had to pass: 1) he couldn't ask for any additional testing (we've already spent more than $5,000 on JUST tests) unless it was absolutely necessary and 2) we wanted to hear a conservative recommendation from him on the dosages of stimulation medication I would be given this next round. He passed both tests!
The retrieval will be the first week of October and so, the meds will start up mid to late September. And so it begins again.
I'll be honest...I'm thrilled to be moving forward but also totally overwhelmed. It is a lot of work - forms, figuring out schedules, appointments, etc on top of you know, LIFE. And my job. And my family. And Nick. And my friends. And my cats. And our turtles (did you know we have pet turtles? We do!) And I'm feeling pretty low on energy. Three straight days in a row I've had to get up from my desk at work and had to take a walk around the block to prevent myself from crawling under the desk and hiding. I need a vacation, but that won't be happening anytime soon. So, I'm going to start back up with acupuncture and maybe throw in a massage and a pedicure or two...Or twenty-seven.
I know Nick and I are incredibly blessed so I'll try not to be so whiny next time.
In sum...third doctor - good. IVF The Sequel - October. Sarah - tired.
XOXO
So, I've been trying to you know, regain, some sort of adult life and routine again. And frankly, it was nice to have a few weeks break from thinking about IVF constantly. I actually wrote several posts during this time but then got too lazy to hit publish...so more to come soon.
But, a quick update! We had our appointment with our third fertility doctor of the year yesterday and as I mentioned on Facebook...hopefully the third time's the charm. The title of this post is a quote from yours truly to a friend who asked me how the visit went. Answer: good! Our first doctor scared us. The second doctor both impressed and scared us. This one...asked us on four separate occasions if we had any other questions. Tell me...have you ever known a doctor to do that? The rest of the quote would be (We're not paying for personality), BUT...it sure doesn't hurt. All this to say that we like and trust the new doctor (who has also treated one of our good friends) and are moving forward with our next cycle like...soon.
We had two tests that this doctor had to pass: 1) he couldn't ask for any additional testing (we've already spent more than $5,000 on JUST tests) unless it was absolutely necessary and 2) we wanted to hear a conservative recommendation from him on the dosages of stimulation medication I would be given this next round. He passed both tests!
The retrieval will be the first week of October and so, the meds will start up mid to late September. And so it begins again.
I'll be honest...I'm thrilled to be moving forward but also totally overwhelmed. It is a lot of work - forms, figuring out schedules, appointments, etc on top of you know, LIFE. And my job. And my family. And Nick. And my friends. And my cats. And our turtles (did you know we have pet turtles? We do!) And I'm feeling pretty low on energy. Three straight days in a row I've had to get up from my desk at work and had to take a walk around the block to prevent myself from crawling under the desk and hiding. I need a vacation, but that won't be happening anytime soon. So, I'm going to start back up with acupuncture and maybe throw in a massage and a pedicure or two...Or twenty-seven.
I know Nick and I are incredibly blessed so I'll try not to be so whiny next time.
In sum...third doctor - good. IVF The Sequel - October. Sarah - tired.
XOXO
Thursday, August 4, 2011
I'm starting a new dance craze...
(Ed. Note.: in an attempt to move on and continue to be hopeful, I am doing what I always do...finding humor in even the most difficult of circumstances. I hope you don't think me callous, but if you do...too bad. Nick and I have gotten through the more difficult times of our lives by supporting each other and laughing...a lot.)
It's called the Second Line Shuffle
It's called the Second Line Shuffle
If you’ve never struggled to get pregnant, you’re probably not familiar with this dance. After, well…’activating’ the home pregnancy test (HPT), shall we say, you immediately look at the test to see if the Second Line shows up right away. It does not.
So, you stash the test away for a few minutes and resign yourself to waiting. During the wait, you check Facebook, Gmail, etc. You whistle, fidget with your hands, pretend that you're not dying to bolt from your chair and look.
Time’s up! You rush back to the HPT drop off and check again…still no line. Better give it a few more minutes. You probably looked at the clock wrong.
More Facebook, Gmail, hand-wringing.
And you’re back! Still no line. OR IS THERE? If you squint your eyes and hold it up to the light, there maybe just the faintest shadow of a line.
At this point, reason just flies out the window and you may do one of several incredibly neurotic things including 1) taking the test apart to get a better look, 2) taking a photo of the HPT so you can zoom in on the faintest of faint lines on your laptop, 3) looking at the test in every possible room in the house searching for the right light. And by right…I mean the kind of light that unequivocally shows the Mythical Second Line.
Once you resign yourself to the fact that there is no second line, that’s when the HPT Googling starts.
HPT Googling is an Internet surfing episode wherein an individual looks up all the information they can about false negatives, when women typically get positives on home pregnancy test, and so on and so forth. (And don't even get me started on the websites that share the pros and cons of various HPTs...whether the ones with blue lines are less accurate than those with pink lines, etc, etc,) (I myself am a First Response kind a gal.)
The other thing you probably don’t know about HPTs if you’ve not struggled to conceive is that they are akin to heroin…in that, as long as you don’t START using them during the seemingly innocuously named Two Week Wait (the time period after you ovulate and could potentially have conceived) you’re fine. But, once you take ONE, then it’s a slippery slope and pretty soon you’re testing every eight hours and considering putting a picture of yourself up at the local Target that says “Do NOT sell Home Pregnancy Tests to this woman”.
To be completely honest, our worst case scenario for the first IVF cycle wasn't not getting pregnant at all. What we both thought was fairly likely to happen (as this happens to many people) is that we would have a chemical pregnancy. Typically, what happens with a chemical pregnancy is that the first blood test reveals a lower level of the HCG pregnancy hormone (also known as...you can be just a little bit pregnant). At the second blood test, your HCG levels drop and continue to do so. We didn't even dream that we wouldn't get pregnant at all (boundless but guarded optimism, anyone?)
I know what I'm about to say sounds completely morbid, but it's also true. We are so anxious to be pregnant and start our family that a part of me wishes that the first blood test would have been a high enough number that it was possible we were even 'just a little bit pregnant'. Why? Because then I would have been able to see that elusive Second Line on the pregnancy test...the one I'm just sure doesn't exist (at least for me). And I feel like that would have given both Nick and I hope that it was possible.
Until then, the Second Line remains enigmatic...like the Loch Ness Monster, Chupacabra, or skinny jeans that actually make you look...skinny. Here's hoping I have a Second Line Sighting soon. :)
Monday, August 1, 2011
Monday Morning Quarterback
At the risk of sounding like what the title implies...Nick and I have spent a lot of time talking this weekend and here's where we are at. We may still meet with Dr. Silber in St. Louis to get as much information from him as we can. But our next cycle will be local and we've already set up an appointment for a few weeks from now. We're hoping our next cycle can take place this fall...October is my favorite month of the year so that feels lucky to me. :)
Here's why...Dr. Silber is amazing...he has incredible success rates and frozen embryo transfer rates that are simply unheard of. He uses cutting edge technology and is a leader amongst fertility specialists in the world.
He also sees 600 couples per year for IVF. To put it in perspective, the fertility clinics in KC are seeing 150-300 couples. When we are honest with ourselves, in our heart of hearts, we know that because we were an 'easy' case for him (remember...he doesn't turn anyone away and takes on very difficult cases), we may not have gotten the time or thoughtfulness that some of his other patients do. In fairness to him, a lot of people with our exact set of issues do the same protocol that we did and end up pregnant or with embryos to freeze or both. Unfortunately, we didn't. And I think if they had been paying more attention in the beginning of our stimulation, we could have had a different outcome.
I know that sounds like 'hindsight is 20-20'...and to an extent, you're right. But what it also is...is a true understanding of the process. You can read and talk to people who've been through IVF all you want...but it's not a substitute for actually going through it. We understand it SO much more than before and you better believe we have a list of questions for our next doctor that's a mile long. I do believe that, regardless of the medical condition, you have to be an advocate for yourself and family members (my mother taught me that actually...thanks, mom!)
We weren't really afraid to ask Dr. Silber questions...but his credentials are intimidating. And it's easy to put your trust in someone whose results really speak for themselves. Next time will be different. And, as I think I said before, while most clinics have 50-60% success rates for IVF...the success rate for a FIRST cycle of IVF is 35%. I had heard that statistic before, but I understand it all too well now.
So, there you have it...that's the plan. This was kind of a boring post, so I'll try to think of something a wee bit more fun next time. People keep asking me how I'm feeling and I keep saying the same thing - sad, but hopeful. I thought if we didn't get pregnant this first cycle, we would be crushed. Turns out Nick and I - we don't crush that easily...I believe my mother compared us to Hercules. :)
Oh, and I've already thought of what we're going to call our next (awesome and incredible) embryos...the MIGHTY Ducks. Screw luck...we need might. :)
Here's why...Dr. Silber is amazing...he has incredible success rates and frozen embryo transfer rates that are simply unheard of. He uses cutting edge technology and is a leader amongst fertility specialists in the world.
He also sees 600 couples per year for IVF. To put it in perspective, the fertility clinics in KC are seeing 150-300 couples. When we are honest with ourselves, in our heart of hearts, we know that because we were an 'easy' case for him (remember...he doesn't turn anyone away and takes on very difficult cases), we may not have gotten the time or thoughtfulness that some of his other patients do. In fairness to him, a lot of people with our exact set of issues do the same protocol that we did and end up pregnant or with embryos to freeze or both. Unfortunately, we didn't. And I think if they had been paying more attention in the beginning of our stimulation, we could have had a different outcome.
I know that sounds like 'hindsight is 20-20'...and to an extent, you're right. But what it also is...is a true understanding of the process. You can read and talk to people who've been through IVF all you want...but it's not a substitute for actually going through it. We understand it SO much more than before and you better believe we have a list of questions for our next doctor that's a mile long. I do believe that, regardless of the medical condition, you have to be an advocate for yourself and family members (my mother taught me that actually...thanks, mom!)
We weren't really afraid to ask Dr. Silber questions...but his credentials are intimidating. And it's easy to put your trust in someone whose results really speak for themselves. Next time will be different. And, as I think I said before, while most clinics have 50-60% success rates for IVF...the success rate for a FIRST cycle of IVF is 35%. I had heard that statistic before, but I understand it all too well now.
So, there you have it...that's the plan. This was kind of a boring post, so I'll try to think of something a wee bit more fun next time. People keep asking me how I'm feeling and I keep saying the same thing - sad, but hopeful. I thought if we didn't get pregnant this first cycle, we would be crushed. Turns out Nick and I - we don't crush that easily...I believe my mother compared us to Hercules. :)
Oh, and I've already thought of what we're going to call our next (awesome and incredible) embryos...the MIGHTY Ducks. Screw luck...we need might. :)
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