After the doctor visit last week, he put me on a couple of medicines to prepare me for the next round of IVF. What he didn't tell me, but I found out by doing Very Important Research (Googling) is that some people respond poorly to one of the drugs. And by poorly, I mean...they pretty much lose their minds. The drug is a high dose of a hormone and in addition to knocking me out within 15 minutes of taking it (luckily I took it at night), it made me foggy, easily distractable (more so than usual) and I had pretty much a non-stop migraine.
It also made me ever so slightly COMPLETELY INSANE. I cried at the drop of a hat over things that were happy, things that were sad, things that were neither happy nor sad but just...were. Let me give you a sampling of things I burst into tears over in the last week.
- A Pottery Barn catalog (I saw this desk that I just looooved and it was so pretty and organized and I had to cry from the sheer beauty of it)
- The fact that my cats are going to die...in like ten years
- When I couldn't get the lid off of a bottled water (I swear to GOD you have to be a genius to get bottled water open these days)
- When I wanted to wear my favorite pair of gold platform sandals but they didn't match my outfit that day (yes, I know...in retrospect, I could have just changed clothes)
- How pretty my shoes look lined up in my closet (I have a shoe problem)
- Pretty much any quote I read on Pinterest (are you on Pinterest yet? If not...don't start. It will seduce you in with a few pictures of a newly subway tiled kitchen and a new recipe or two...then you'll shake your head, realize six hours have gone by, you're drooling and you've just 'pinned' craft projects that you could never do nor should you attempt to do. So it's fun...is what I'm saying.)
- Pictures of babies (and not even because I was SAD that we don't have one...just because they're so adorable and precious and innocent and ohmygod, sob, sob, sob)
- the movie Jane Eyre
- the movie Something Borrowed (I purposely listed Jane Eyre first so you would think I was somewhat cultured and not judge me for the chick flick)
- the fact that my Nook library collection is growing larger while my hard copy book collection is dwindling
- how cute it is when the cats snuggle up with Nick to take a nap
- pretty much every email I got
- pretty much every voicemail I got
- pretty much every blog I read
- pretty much all interactions with people in general
So, I did what anyone would do under these conditions, stayed in bed and watched a lot of bad Lifetime movies (because, really, when you're feeling bad nothing makes you feel BETTER than recognizing your life doesn't suck as much as someone whose husband is trying to kill them, or someone who is plotting to kill their husband, or someone who is having an affair with their neighbor and said neighbor's wife is plotting to kill them, or basically any movie where Tracey Gold or Nancy McKeon portrays the lead.)
I have emerged now from my cocoon of female-centric (but also strangely misogynistic) movies and hiding under the covers and feel just fine. So fine, in fact, that I debated whether or not I should even write about this. Then I decided...file this under Mom Guilt. Yo, I'm stacking up mad Mom Guilt points. My kids won't be able to even LOOK ASKANCE at me without me whispering to them "do you know what I went through to have you?" And they'll probably just roll their eyes at me and be all "God, Mom...you're so annoying." But then they'll do whatever it was I asked them to do in the first place (right? Right?!)
I think that's just good planning.
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