Despite the fact that I'm writing this at a quarter to 5 in the morning, which might lead you to believe that I did not sleep well, I actually got a great night's rest and feel...well as good as one can after getting the news that we did. I'm writing to thank you all for your emails, phone calls, text messages, Facebook messages, etc...it really does mean a lot to...both of us (I shared almost everything with Nick.) We are sad, but ever hopeful. The worst part for me was telling Nick. He had it in his head that if I called him at work, it meant that we were pregnant, so he was excited when I called. To his credit (but not my surprise), by the time he got home from work, he had come up with a Top 7 Reasons Why We Shouldn't Give Up Hope list. (maybe if you're lucky, I'll post it.)
The tear stains had barely dried from our faces before we were already moving in to the 'okay, what's next' phase. And 'what's next' is a visit to Dr. Silber to ascertain what our options are. You see, we were an 'easy' case for Dr. Silber...healthy and young. Unfortunately, a lot of people that go through IVF don't get lucky on the first try. And we were one of the extra un-lucky ones that also didn't end up with any embryos to freeze.
We think we understand (from a conversation with Dr. Silber before we left) why this cycle didn't work. Unfortunately, my 'rockstar ovaries' actually worked against us. They responded too well and too quickly to the stimulation injections. Let me put it into terms I can understand...chocolate. My ovaries produced....M&M's. Are they tasty? Yes. Are they the highest quality chocolate out there? No. What we NEED to produce are Christopher Elbow (or Godiva, for you non KC folks) truffles. Quality, not quantity.
Before we left St. Louis, Dr. Silber asked us to consider a mini-IVF cycle if our first cycle didn't work. A mini-IVF cycle is one in which the focus is on producing a smaller number of very high quality eggs. It is less invasive, requires less injections and costs less. Our only concern at this point is how long it would require me to be in St. Louis as I don't feel comfortable taking off from work for an extended length of time again. Hopefully we'll know more soon.
It occurred to me yesterday that having children is a conversation Nick and I have been having for almost ten years (since we first started dating in December of 2001). We've been dealing with fertility issues since we got married in September of 2007. And we've been trying off and on for the last several years. Skeptics might say that we have nothing to show for it, but even when we are as down as we were last night, we are always able to count our blessings and move on, which I think says a lot about us as a couple.
Please continue to keep us in your thoughts and prayers. A lot of people have asked whether or not we're going to keep up the blog and I think we're going to. When I use my Mom Guilt someday, I want some hard evidence to back it up.
Much love to you all...
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