A Very Pinterest Christmas

My love affair with Pinterest is well-documented, but as I said a few posts back, I decided I needed to start trying some projects besides the recipes.  It's turned into a borderline obsession that has culminated in Nick offering to help me with some of the projects.  Yeah, I know.  My husband is awesome.

First, up...some Christmas gifts!  I had been collecting (and having others collect on my behalf) wine corks with the vague notion that I would someday use them for something spectacular.  I decided to take spectacular down a notch and just settle for 'a cute gift for Christmas'.  The next two pictures are a couple of projects I did.  (As always, I apologize for my poor photography skills.)

First, up....Wine Cork Letters - I made several of these, including the first one, which I kept for myself.

Next, a wine cork jewelry solution...somehow I missed taking a pic of this one, but trust me, it was cute!  This is the original inspiration.

Next, some festive Christmas decorations....

I started by FINISHING a wreath I started nearly a year ago, but they are all over Pinterest now.  I made the mistake of choosing a large wreath form so it took forever to finish.

Then, I saw this post and wanted to re-create the ornament chandelier.  And more importantly, Ernie the Multi Toed Wonder Cat has not gotten interested in knocking it down yet.  A Christmas miracle! (Bonus points if you can find the cat tail in the pic)

Finally, I'm hosting a brunch for my girlfriends this weekends and we decided we want to make a holiday craft (what could go wrong with a mimosa bar and glue guns?).  So, I think we're going to try this one....I did a test run this weekend to make sure it was mimosa-proof.  It is.  Mostly.

And finally...Nick is helping me with this project this week...I hope to have it done by this weekend.

And, in Going Sugar Free news...an update.  I've started week 4 and I have to admit, the 3rd and 4th weeks have been more difficult.  Work has been busy  and I've been more stressed than usual, so that tends to make me seek out sugary things.  So far, I've only had a few minor slips but have gotten back on track pretty quickly.  I even survived Thanksgiving (unless you count the multiple bottles of champagne my darling sisters-in-law and mother-in-law and I downed on Thanksgiving day when we were supposed to be cooking) with only a piece of pie or two.  At the end of this week, I'll be halfway through  my eight week challenge!

Happy St. Nick's Day!

From Cupcake Afficianado to Sugar Free...Week 1

Day 4 of Going Sugar Free...Body - achy.  Mind - fuzzy.  Hands - shaking.  Heart - full of sadness at a life without sugar. 

Wrong. 

Now, granted it's only been 4 days and it hasn't exactly been easy but so far, I have not punched anyone in order to procure cookies, cupcakes or candy.

So, why would I do this to myself?  It started with reading this article in the New York Times earlier this year.  It pretty much blew my mind.  I mean, I knew that sugar was bad...but it hadn't occurred to me 1) just how bad sugar potentially could be (I say potentially only because I think there's a lot of research to be done yet) and 2) I just assumed that a calorie is a calorie is a calorie.

Turns out, they're not.  A calorie of sugar is not metabolized by your body the same way that a calorie of any other food is.   Moreover, there's a lot of compelling evidence that our current obesity crisis (as well as increased cancer rates) could be traced back to our dramatically increased consumption of sugar. 

And, what blew me away even more was...your body doesn't metabolize 'good' sugars (i.e. fruits) any differently than 'bad' sugars (i.e. candy).  I've always been a fan of putting dried figs, cranberries and raisins in my salads...when I looked at the sugars, I realized that all three have just as much sugar as M&M's...and my body doesn't know the difference...other than that there are added nutritional benefits from fruits and dried fruits. 

Add all of this to the fact that I know I'm at greater risk for gestational diabetes and type 2 diabetes because of the insulin resistance associated with PCOS...and it wasn't a hard leap to make that maybe I need to look to cut out all sugars from my diet. 

So, here's the plan:

1.) This is an experiment...I've committed to trying it for 8 weeks during what is likely the most sugar-ridden time of the year.
2.) I'm going to do my best...but I'm not going to beat myself up if I slip.
3.) Christmas Eve and Christmas Day...all bets are off.  :)
4.) I'm not going cold turkey.  I've found a plan online that has you ease into a sugar free diet...primarily by replacing the sugars with fats.  Which, yes, I know - sounds counter-intuitive.  But most of the hype we've been fed about fat has been debunked recently.  Your body needs fat.  
5.) After the eight weeks are up, I'll decide how I want to proceed going forward.  Ideally, I'd like to maintain a 'mostly' sugar-free lifestyle where I still have 1 serving of fruit a day (likely a cup of berries in my morning smoothie) and the very occasional treat.
6.) I realize this is a pretty intense change...and the idea of it makes some people uncomfortable.  My attempt here is to just see how I feel by making the change.

So, what am I eating?  Here's a couple of sample meals.

Breakfast: whole wheat toast with small pat of butter, Havarti cheese and 1/2 an avocado
Lunch: Spinach salad with hard boiled eggs and a little bit of bacon
Dinner: Grilled chicken and roasted broccoli
Snacks: Cheese!  Nuts! Also - celery with no sugar added almond butter

Honestly, I think I'm eating less than what I normally do.  The biggest difference I've noticed is that I'm normally STARVED when I get home from work...I can rarely wait until dinner without having some type of snack.  That has not been the case this week.

Again, it's only been a short time.   The hardest part has been giving up my morning shake and countering my mid-afternoon energy slump. 

If you're interested in the topic, I highly suggest watching this video.

Sugar Free Sarah...Signing Out!

Well, now what am I going to obsess over?

After a bit of moping around, Nick and I decided we would wait until the spring to implant the frozen embryos.  Two back to back IVF cycles has not been easy on my body or either of our spirits.  I think it's time for a bit of a break.  We want to give the next try our absolute best and to do that...well, we need some space.  It's not you, IVF, it's us.  :)

However, that leaves a LOT of time on my hands.  And I was briefly at a loss with what to do with it.  But it didn't take long for me to find new (mostly healthy) things to obsess over.  In no particular order...

1. Crafting...I've been 'pinning' crafts and DIY projects for months but have yet to actually make one.  I tend to use Pinterest mostly for recipes (in fact our menus for the last several weeks have been almost entirely Pinterest derived).  So, to start I finally finished up the yarn and felt wreath I've been working on.  I've got several more in the works, but after a marathon of crafting yesterday (and some uncomfortable glue gun burns), I might have to take a break.  Already.  Yeah, I know.  
2. Decorating for Christmas...our house could use a little cheer, so I decided to break my own No Christmas Trees Before Thanksgiving rule.  I also figured I would need to leave the undecorated trees up for a few days while I 'train' Ernie the new cat not to climb the tree.  This involves an elaborate ritual of me spraying the tree with a solution that is SUPPOSED to be distasteful to cats but in fact, seems to only intruige them more.  Then, as soon as I think we're in the clear and sit down, Ernie is, in a flash, trying to climb the tree.  So, I break out the spray bottle of water, which is apparently the MOST FUN toy ever to Ernie.  (I thought cats hated water in the face?)  Repeat ad nauseum.  
3. Giving up Sugar!  I've been thinking about this for some time...I have PCOS which is a condition that makes me insulin resistant...when my hormones aren't regulated (i.e. I'm off the pill), I gain weight.  So, over the past two years, I've, for the most part, cut out the bad sugars (soda, pastries, white flour, etc) (well, except for the occasional splurge...I am human, after all).  After doing a lot of research and reading, I want to try and cut out the good sugars (fruit, honey, etc), too.   It might seem crazy to do this over the holidays, but I'm up for the challenge.  (Luckily, I found out that wine is still okay in moderation...so I'll just spend the entire holidays drunk!)

Separate posts on the crafting and going sugar-free coming soon...I know, you're excited, right?!

Strike two...

We had a blood test today to determine if I was pregnant and it was negative.  Although we were pretty much expecting it, it's still hard to take.   We do have the glimmer of hope with the frozen embryos so that's what we'll be focusing on eventually. 

I'm sure most of you don't realize how long we've been trying, but trust me - it feels like all we've thought about for a long time.  When you're trying to get pregnant, each month you expect that 'this is the month'.  Your mind can't help but think about the possibilities - how you'll tell your partner, how you'll tell your family, when your due date is, etc. etc.  And then when it doesn't happen, it feels like a little death that you have to grieve.

Going through IVF is like that times 1000.  It occupies your physical, mental and spiritual self.  It's always there...in the background.  And both times, we allowed ourselves to think 'what if'...'what if this is THE time'? 'what if we can tell my 104 year old grandmother at Christmas that she's going to be a great-grandmother (again)?' 'what if we have a baby on July 17th like the due date calculator tells me?' 'what if we can go through the holidays knowing that we have a very special gift in store for us?' 'what if, what if, what if???'

You try not to.   Especially when you've been disappointed.   But if you didn't hope for the best and didn't imagine all the what if scenarios (whether you're talking about IVF or other obstacles), it would certainly make life a lot more bleak.

So, we'll mourn another loss of what could have been.  But we'll keep asking 'what if?'.  And hopefully...with a little luck...we'll finally get to stop saying if and start saying when.

I feel like a broken record, but thank you, thank you, thank you for the love and support and prayers.  Thank you for the offers to wallow with me.  Thank you for sitting with me waiting for the call.  Thank you for checking in with me.  Thank you for the texts.   Thank you for the emails.  Thank you for the phone calls.  Thank you for the Facebook messages.  Thank you for bringing me chocolate and cupcakes and other goodies (at one point, if we got pregnant, I was sure I was going to have to name the baby Reese or Hershey).   Thank you for the hugs.  Thank you for crying with me.  Thank you.

It does not go without notice that you all have your own struggles and tough times to deal with, so please know how deeply your support means to us.  XOXO

:::Tumbleweeds float by:::

I know - almost a week and no update.  But, as it turns out, fretting about whether or not you're pregnant is quite tiring and stressful.  Who knew?

This cycle has been far more dramatic than the first - lots of ups and downs.  Yesterday, we were having a very up day.  Today - it is very, very down.  But, as many good friends have counseled me today - we should never give up faith.  We have a bloodwork test later this week and will know more then.  Until then, we could really use any spare good thoughts and prayers you have (after you are done praying and thinking about more worthy topics).

Trying to get pregnant and going through IVF is without a doubt the most stressful event of Nick and I's life.   However, since the season of gratitude is upon us, it has provided me some perspective.  I know I am certainly grateful for an amazing partner in Nick; I couldn't have gone through this process without him (ha! both literally and figuratively).  I'm amazed at how we continue to get stronger rather than be pulled apart by all the heartache. 

Along this vein, Nick and I were talking about the many ways you can have a family today and he reminded me of the first 5 minutes of Up.  If you haven't seen it, you've either been under a rock or don't have kids (made by Pixar).   While I loved the movie, the first 5 minutes nearly killed me and through (sob, sob) tears, I declared to Nick 'this is the worst movie EVERRRR!'

The gist of it is that a boy and girl, meet and fall in love.  They find out they cannot have children and are devastated.  However, (as I recall) they spend the rest of their years together having wonderful adventures and generally living a good life.  And then the wife dies.  (Cue tears from Sarah) (Bear in mind, this is only the first 5 minutes of the movie.) And it is SAD.  But then the (by this time curmudgeonly) guy has a young boy thrust into his life and they hate each other, but then they love each other and become best friends and they all live happily ever after.  The End.

Where was I going with this?  Oh, yeah - the point Nick was trying to make by reminding me of the movie was that we will have a family one way or another.  So, in sum - IVF=drama, Up=tears but good life lesson, Nick=awesome, Sarah=still holding out hope.

Thanks for all the love, thoughts and prayers; it means the world to us.

P.S.  In WTF news...WTF, Mississippi?

Success...measured in pants buttoned

I'm sure you'll be pleased to know that, despite evidence to the contrary (blog posts, emails, and texts referencing the fact that I'm dying)...I am in fact, alive and well!  Well, as well as can be expected.  I showered and everything, you guys!  And today...I was able to button my pants.  This was a feat not possible in the last few days.   Not being able to button your pants really limits your ability to be a functioning adult.   That and feeling like you're dying.

Other than recovering from near death and returning to work, not much to update on.  And it's probably going to be that way for awhile.  If you thought the waiting to find out about our freeze-able embryos was bad, hold on, sisters and brothers, because it's about to get a whole lot worse up in this IVF joint.  Before we will be declared 'officially' pregnant, we have weeks of bloodwork and waiting and ultrasounds to go.  I suggest you pick up a crafty hobby in the meantime...I would really like a new scarf and some mittens for Christmas, so feel free to choose knitting.

In the meantime, we'll be over here waiting not-so-patiently.  Nick has established a daily ritual of rubbing my belly and praying, which frankly makes me feel a little bit like Buddha, but I suppose there are worse things in life.  I am obsessively Christmas shopping and taking lots of naps with Ernie, The Multi-Toed Wonder Cat.  His favorite place to sleep is curled up parallel to me with both of our heads on the pillow.  It's so cute you would throw up if you saw it.   And now I'm going to force you to see it.

Three...it's a magic number

Anybody remember Schoolhouse Rock?  This one is apropos today.

I feel slightly less like dying today, so that's good.  The upside to feeling like your stomach is going to explode at any moment is that it makes it difficult to stress out when the embryologist waits until 2:00 in the afternoon to call you with the report on freeze-able embryos, or as Nick calls them 'chilly willies'.   However, Nick was not so lucky (or unlucky, depending on how you look at it) so I was getting near hourly texts from him.

Finally, we got the call that we have three blastocysts to freeze.  All along, I'd been hoping for 4-6 total embryos so five is nice and in the middle.  It's still a little disappointing given how many eggs we had fertilize, but we'll take it.  It's 2.5 times better than our first cycle at least.  And they're all good quality, so hopefully that bodes well for future frozen transfers. 

Back to work for me tomorrow!  I've finally experienced that feeling of 'whatever is going on at work...they can deal with it without me' which I suppose is either a factor of how much we want this cycle to work or how terrible I feel. :)

And now, in the immortal words of Schoolhouse Rock...

A man and a woman had a little baby...
Yes they did...they had threeeee in the family and that's a magic number.