You might be wondering...just what exactly is Sarah going to do for two weeks in St. Louis? Or, you might be asking yourself...when is Sarah going to start posting pictures of cute animals as promised in this blog header? Today's post should satisfy both questions.
Tuesday, July 5th - my first monitoring appointment (which consists of an ultrasound and bloodwork) and the beginning of 'stims' (stimulating injections, which is 3-4 shots a day until the 'trigger' shot)
Wednesday, July 6th - my last day of work for two weeks (:::deep breaths:::) and final acupuncture appointment in KC
Thursday, July 7th - drive to St. Louis to Nick's parents' house
Friday, July 8th - first monitoring appointment in St. Louis in the morning...ultrasound and bloodwork and Nick drives in
Saturday, July 9th and Sunday, July 10th - hopefully I won't be too uncomfortable and can enjoy the weekend with the family...Nick's brother, Tim and our sister in law Becky will also be in St. Louis and we have plans to see the Cards play. Nick will drive back to KC on Sunday.
Monday, July 11th - monitoring appointment in the AM...play in the afternoon
Tuesday, July 12th - acupuncture appointment in the AM, doctor's appointment in the PM
Wednesday, July 13th - monitoring appointment in the AM, life coach appointment..fun stuff in the afternoon
Thursday, July 14th - Nick arrives! Possibly by train! (Side note: One of my most memorable Christmases ever was one where I took the train from KC to STL and Nick picked me up at the Kirkwood train station...when I got off the train, he was singing "I'll Be Home For Christmas" in a very loud, sort of off-key tone...but it was cute.) Possible date of 'trigger' shot. Most likely a midnight screening of Harry Pottter. :)
Friday, July 15th - monitoring appointment in the AM...nervous fretting in the afternoon
Saturday, July 16th - egg retrieval! I'll be under sedation so I'm supposed to take it east the rest of the weekend.
Sunday, July 17th and Monday, July 18th - worry, rest, worry, rest, embryo creation magic and so on.
Tuesday, July 19th - embryo transfer! Rest
Wednesday, July 20th -drive back to KC
Thursday, July 21st - back to work, worry and wait, worry and wait
The fun part is...from the 13th on...the schedule could vary by about 1-2 days depending on how I respond to the drugs (remember...superstar of IVF treatments, right?!)...I'm pretty sure I have amazing ovaries and they are likely over-achievers just like me, so hopefully I 'go early'. I'll probably give them a pep talk in advance, maybe something like this....
And, now a random adorable animal video. (Warning: Unless you have no soul, you will cry.)
So, if you all want to pray/think good thoughts/send positive energy/wish on a star/insert your preferred spiritual activity here particularly around July 15-20, it would be much appreciated. XO, Sarah
P.S. Sorry this was kind of a lame post. I promise to be more cheerful and entertaining next time. Trying to get all the projects I'm working on at work wrapped up before I leave is killing me.
P.P.S. I do have some plans for an upcoming post highlighting Nick's Fat Cat Blues vocal stylings, but first I have to try and catch him singing and then record it. So, get excited for that, folks.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Sunday, June 26, 2011
How To Scare Yourself Silly in Three Easy Steps or Sarah Is Officially Banned from Using the Internet
I often wonder what we did before the Internet...need to look up directions? Internet. Looking for a new recipe? Internet. Trying to figure out where to have dinner/what movie to see/concert to go to? Internet. But as anyone who has spent early morning hours listing their symptoms on WebMD in the unshakable belief that they have a brain tumor/African parasite/or other horrifying/incurable disease will tell you, too much Internet can be a bad thing.
Such is the case with infertility and IVF treatments. On the positive side, there is a lot of great information and testimonials from people who have been where you are. When you're feeling low about the process, it's great to hear how successful other people have been. Plus, it can give you a bit of perspective...what it can also do, my readers...and I'm going to put this bluntly...is scare the shit out of you.
It will probably not surprise you to learn that this post is not about the helpful type of Internet browsing and instead, what I affectionately call The Dark Side of the Internets.
I've had this niggling fear about the intramuscular (that's just a nice way of saying a shot in the butt) shots of progesterone that Nick will have to give me for at least two weeks every day (and probably for a total of six-eight weeks if we are lucky enough to get pregnant this first try). The purpose of the progesterone is to ensure your uterine lining will be welcoming and inviting to embryos (side note: I like to picture my uterus wearing a Snuggie. What embryo WOULDN'T want to cozy up to a uterine lining like THAT?) (side side note: there is an alternative way to get the progesterone to your body but I don't think you want to know what it is. Okay, fine...I'll tell you...it's a suppository. Probably the only time that a suppository looks good to me, comparatively speaking anyway.)
Anyway, I've basically been pretending like these shots don't exist because hello? That's way in the future! Only...it's not. We're talking weeks at this point. And so, my Google Search History looks something like this:
The good news is that I did, actually, find quite a bit of helpful information. Bad news - I also read dozens of horror stories, each one more awful than the last....to the point where I had worked myself up into such a state of hysteria that I had to go wake Nick up this morning.
Me: :::poking Nick:::: "Hey, Nick!" whispered
Nick: garuiklmapbjablld (rolls over)
Me: ::::poking Nick harder::: "Nick!" slightly louder
Nick: garaiupmadspiadskfkldsajl (nestles closer in to his pillow)
Me: NICK!!!
Nick: ::::eyes fly open::::
Me: "Oh, good, you're awake!"
Nick: ::::blinks in confusion::::
Me: "I'm scared of the shots you're going to give me."
Nick: "Okay."
Me: "No, I mean, I'm like REALLY scared. Like that time we watched Paranormal Activity scared."
Nick: "Uh huh."
Me: (beginning to get frustrated that he isn't understand the depth of what I'm saying) "Because you know...it's like a huge needle, and apparently I'm going to be all lumpy and bruised and possibly paralyzed and you're going to have to drive me to work and carry me around the house and bring me ice cream on demand." (the last part I just threw in figuring it couldn't hurt to have him prepared)
Nick: "I'm hungry."
Me: $%#@! (At this point, I am about to Officially Lose My Shit, which is the point in an argument where I stop making logical sense and just start making sounds akin to a Howler Monkey) (EXCEPT...my stomach started rumbling at the mention of breakfast, so in this situation - love of breakfast > fear of large needles.)
And so we went here for brunch and then here to buy some fresh fruit and vegetables and then here for the most wonderful macarons. And I felt better. Oh, and Nick said some nice stuff about how it was all going to be worth it, and I was such a trooper and blah di blah...logic is so infuriating sometimes.
Such is the case with infertility and IVF treatments. On the positive side, there is a lot of great information and testimonials from people who have been where you are. When you're feeling low about the process, it's great to hear how successful other people have been. Plus, it can give you a bit of perspective...what it can also do, my readers...and I'm going to put this bluntly...is scare the shit out of you.
It will probably not surprise you to learn that this post is not about the helpful type of Internet browsing and instead, what I affectionately call The Dark Side of the Internets.
I've had this niggling fear about the intramuscular (that's just a nice way of saying a shot in the butt) shots of progesterone that Nick will have to give me for at least two weeks every day (and probably for a total of six-eight weeks if we are lucky enough to get pregnant this first try). The purpose of the progesterone is to ensure your uterine lining will be welcoming and inviting to embryos (side note: I like to picture my uterus wearing a Snuggie. What embryo WOULDN'T want to cozy up to a uterine lining like THAT?) (side side note: there is an alternative way to get the progesterone to your body but I don't think you want to know what it is. Okay, fine...I'll tell you...it's a suppository. Probably the only time that a suppository looks good to me, comparatively speaking anyway.)
Anyway, I've basically been pretending like these shots don't exist because hello? That's way in the future! Only...it's not. We're talking weeks at this point. And so, my Google Search History looks something like this:
- Progesterone Shots - are they really necessary?
- Progesterone Shots - why does my doctor hate me?
- Progesterone Shots - surely I can just mix it up with a smoothie and drink it?
- Progesterone Shots - will I want to stab my husband?
- Progesterone Shots - how much pain are we talking about here...like...oof, that muscle is a little sore, I could use a massage kinda pain OR yelling at the husband with a fury of a thousand sons that under no circumstances will he be coming anywhere near me with that needle, so help me god?!
- Progesterone Shots - okay, fine I get it, I'm spending a lot of money to get pregnant, I'm going to have to woman up, but could you at least give me some tips to ease the pain?!?!
The good news is that I did, actually, find quite a bit of helpful information. Bad news - I also read dozens of horror stories, each one more awful than the last....to the point where I had worked myself up into such a state of hysteria that I had to go wake Nick up this morning.
Me: :::poking Nick:::: "Hey, Nick!" whispered
Nick: garuiklmapbjablld (rolls over)
Me: ::::poking Nick harder::: "Nick!" slightly louder
Nick: garaiupmadspiadskfkldsajl (nestles closer in to his pillow)
Me: NICK!!!
Nick: ::::eyes fly open::::
Me: "Oh, good, you're awake!"
Nick: ::::blinks in confusion::::
Me: "I'm scared of the shots you're going to give me."
Nick: "Okay."
Me: "No, I mean, I'm like REALLY scared. Like that time we watched Paranormal Activity scared."
Nick: "Uh huh."
Me: (beginning to get frustrated that he isn't understand the depth of what I'm saying) "Because you know...it's like a huge needle, and apparently I'm going to be all lumpy and bruised and possibly paralyzed and you're going to have to drive me to work and carry me around the house and bring me ice cream on demand." (the last part I just threw in figuring it couldn't hurt to have him prepared)
Nick: "I'm hungry."
Me: $%#@! (At this point, I am about to Officially Lose My Shit, which is the point in an argument where I stop making logical sense and just start making sounds akin to a Howler Monkey) (EXCEPT...my stomach started rumbling at the mention of breakfast, so in this situation - love of breakfast > fear of large needles.)
And so we went here for brunch and then here to buy some fresh fruit and vegetables and then here for the most wonderful macarons. And I felt better. Oh, and Nick said some nice stuff about how it was all going to be worth it, and I was such a trooper and blah di blah...logic is so infuriating sometimes.
Saturday, June 25, 2011
Symptoms include...
One of my biggest fears throughout this process is the side effects from from the fertility drugs. I've talked to quite a few people about their experiences and they vary wildly from practically none to 'oh my god'. It doesn't help that all the literature that comes with the drugs lists out millions of horrifying effects. Here's a (tongue in cheek) sample.
- Headaches
- Hot flashes
- Mood swings
- Unfounded feelings that people are intentionally trying to irritate you
- Uncontrollable urges to smack irritating people (they're asking for it!)
- Inability to stop reading blogs about pregnancy and infertility
- Inability to stop crying while reading blogs about pregnancy and fertility
- Crying whilst watching the last scene of Parenthood (so many babies!)
- Fire coming out of your mouth
- Ovaries exploding
- Spousal murder
- QUADRUPLETS!
Thursday, June 23, 2011
I've got a question...part deux
I intended to do a second FAQ last week, but instead I was distracted by alcohol (happy hours!), drugs (in my refrigerator!) and coffee (my shiny new Keurig -if you were here right now, I'd make you a cup of coffee!) But, here it is...the much anticipated second installment of Sarah Answers Questions You're Probably Thinking But Won't Ask.
Let's get started...
Aren't you nervous this won't work?
I wouldn't say I'm nervous so much as wracked with fear and absolutely petrified...and yet also...strangely optimistic. Nick would probably say he's more nervous than optimistic, but I cheerfully try to bring him to the glass half-full side every day (i.e. preemptive Father's Day gifts!).
What happens if this cycle doesn't work?
I suspect there will be a lot of tears (me), stamping my feet (me) and self-pitying (Nick) going on. There's really two possible scenarios. Scenario #1 is that we don't get pregnant this cycle, BUT we produce enough viable embryos (that will be frozen if not chosen for the first transfer) that we can do what's called a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) at a later date. We actually chose our doctor specifically for his FET rates of success, which are equally as good as a 'fresh' cycle...that's pretty unusual and worth the extra effort on our part to do a cycle out of town.
Scenario #2 is That Which We Don't Speak Of...I'm only kinda kidding. In this scenario, not only does the cycle not work, but we also don't produce any embryos for an FET. If that happens, well, that's just a bridge we'll cross later.
Sarah - aren't you concerned at all about how your cat children are going to react to their new brother(s)/sister(s)?
As a very responsible cat owner, yes, yes I am. We spent years waffling on whether or not to have children because oh my god, you guys, what if Carl and Zoe don't like the babeeeee? And what if they think we don't love them anymore?
I'm only kidding. I suspect the cats will treat any new addition to the house much like they do a new piece of furniture - half-hearted interest at first quickly turning into boredom and then indifference. And they might pee on the kid(s). Whatever.
Sarah - what kind of amazing, awesome, sweet surprises does Nick have in store for you while you're in St. Louis getting poked and prodded every day?
You GUYS! You are so thoughtful. I don't know, but I'm sure whatever he has planned will be really, really good. (she says without a trace of menace at all).
Is Nick prepared at all for the onslaught of hormones that are going to course through your system in the upcoming weeks?
All signs point to yes, as he already appears to be acting extra special nice by helping out more around the house, giving me more snuggles (I love my snuggles! Nick's going to kill me for writing this!) and just generally going out of his way to be helpful (i.e. my super awesome color coded Excel spreadsheet for medications/injections).
I want to read your blog, but I am too busy and important to check it every day to see if you've written another literary masterpiece. What should I do?
As a fellow busy and important person, I appreciate where you're coming from. If you look over to your right at the top of this page, you'll see a box that says "Sign Up for Super Awesome Email Delivery"...enter your email address and then you'll receive notifications when a new post is up.
Are you insanely excited to see the final installment in the Harry Potter series?
Do you know me at all? YES.
Are you going to make Nick take you to see it while you're in St. Louis?
Most likely.
Are you devastated now that Oprah is off the air?
I don't want to talk about it.
Let's get started...
Aren't you nervous this won't work?
I wouldn't say I'm nervous so much as wracked with fear and absolutely petrified...and yet also...strangely optimistic. Nick would probably say he's more nervous than optimistic, but I cheerfully try to bring him to the glass half-full side every day (i.e. preemptive Father's Day gifts!).
What happens if this cycle doesn't work?
I suspect there will be a lot of tears (me), stamping my feet (me) and self-pitying (Nick) going on. There's really two possible scenarios. Scenario #1 is that we don't get pregnant this cycle, BUT we produce enough viable embryos (that will be frozen if not chosen for the first transfer) that we can do what's called a Frozen Embryo Transfer (FET) at a later date. We actually chose our doctor specifically for his FET rates of success, which are equally as good as a 'fresh' cycle...that's pretty unusual and worth the extra effort on our part to do a cycle out of town.
Scenario #2 is That Which We Don't Speak Of...I'm only kinda kidding. In this scenario, not only does the cycle not work, but we also don't produce any embryos for an FET. If that happens, well, that's just a bridge we'll cross later.
Sarah - aren't you concerned at all about how your cat children are going to react to their new brother(s)/sister(s)?
As a very responsible cat owner, yes, yes I am. We spent years waffling on whether or not to have children because oh my god, you guys, what if Carl and Zoe don't like the babeeeee? And what if they think we don't love them anymore?
I'm only kidding. I suspect the cats will treat any new addition to the house much like they do a new piece of furniture - half-hearted interest at first quickly turning into boredom and then indifference. And they might pee on the kid(s). Whatever.
Sarah - what kind of amazing, awesome, sweet surprises does Nick have in store for you while you're in St. Louis getting poked and prodded every day?
You GUYS! You are so thoughtful. I don't know, but I'm sure whatever he has planned will be really, really good. (she says without a trace of menace at all).
Is Nick prepared at all for the onslaught of hormones that are going to course through your system in the upcoming weeks?
All signs point to yes, as he already appears to be acting extra special nice by helping out more around the house, giving me more snuggles (I love my snuggles! Nick's going to kill me for writing this!) and just generally going out of his way to be helpful (i.e. my super awesome color coded Excel spreadsheet for medications/injections).
I want to read your blog, but I am too busy and important to check it every day to see if you've written another literary masterpiece. What should I do?
As a fellow busy and important person, I appreciate where you're coming from. If you look over to your right at the top of this page, you'll see a box that says "Sign Up for Super Awesome Email Delivery"...enter your email address and then you'll receive notifications when a new post is up.
Are you insanely excited to see the final installment in the Harry Potter series?
Do you know me at all? YES.
Are you going to make Nick take you to see it while you're in St. Louis?
Most likely.
Are you devastated now that Oprah is off the air?
I don't want to talk about it.
Wednesday, June 22, 2011
Shots on the house...
Yesterday was D-day...started my Lupron injections (lupron is the drug that suppresses ovulation). I actually got a little over-eager and practically stumbled over myself from the car into the house. I was simultaneously excited and nervous, although that quickly turned to 100% nervous.
Nick helped me read the directions and prep...thank goodness he was there. Even though I did just fine in the doctor's office, I froze when I actually had to stick myself. I just stood there pinching some skin around my belly button with the needle poised to strike. I closed my eyes, tried to jab myself and FAILED. I chickened out at the last minute and succeeded only in sticking myself, but not injecting the medicine. D'oh. Nick appeared to be stifling laughter and I shot him a murderous glance.
Finally, I put my big girl panties on (I hate that saying normally, but it is appropriate in this situation) and just did the darn thing. It stung more than I thought it would, but I guess it wasn't TOO bad and apparently, it will get better.
Here's a fairly unflattering photo of me right before the shot. Please excuse rumpled clothes, messy hair and vaguely terrified expression on my face.
In order to better handle this whole shots thing, I commissioned a piece of artwork courtesy of my dear friend Vince and his mad MS Paint skillz. I've decided if I envision a friendly cartoon needle (I'm embracing my inner five year old), perhaps things won't be so bad. Meet Nate, the friendliest needle this side of the Missisippi. And a Royals fan, too!
![]()
Who could be afraid of this guy? :)
And finally, apropos of nothing, really...a photo of me on Sunday morning as Nick was working on the ribs. In my defense, I got up at 6am with him andhalf-assedly doused lovingly sprinkled each rack of ribs with the secret rub mixture. (Hee! Spell check just told me that I spelled half-assedly wrong!)
Nick helped me read the directions and prep...thank goodness he was there. Even though I did just fine in the doctor's office, I froze when I actually had to stick myself. I just stood there pinching some skin around my belly button with the needle poised to strike. I closed my eyes, tried to jab myself and FAILED. I chickened out at the last minute and succeeded only in sticking myself, but not injecting the medicine. D'oh. Nick appeared to be stifling laughter and I shot him a murderous glance.
Finally, I put my big girl panties on (I hate that saying normally, but it is appropriate in this situation) and just did the darn thing. It stung more than I thought it would, but I guess it wasn't TOO bad and apparently, it will get better.
Here's a fairly unflattering photo of me right before the shot. Please excuse rumpled clothes, messy hair and vaguely terrified expression on my face.
In order to better handle this whole shots thing, I commissioned a piece of artwork courtesy of my dear friend Vince and his mad MS Paint skillz. I've decided if I envision a friendly cartoon needle (I'm embracing my inner five year old), perhaps things won't be so bad. Meet Nate, the friendliest needle this side of the Missisippi. And a Royals fan, too!
Who could be afraid of this guy? :)
And finally, apropos of nothing, really...a photo of me on Sunday morning as Nick was working on the ribs. In my defense, I got up at 6am with him and
Monday, June 20, 2011
Thought for the day...
True love is...making a detailed, color coded Excel spreadsheet of your mate's medications and injections, including dosage and size of needle. :)
Sunday, June 19, 2011
Father knows best...
Last weekend, I had a conversation with some of Nick’s family about how holidays like Mother’s Day and Father’s Day always seem to sneak up (to which, my father-in-law replied that he considered Father’s Day to rank as high in importance as Christmas, so he wasn’t quite sure why the rest of us had a hard time remembering it!). At any rate, we celebrated Father’s Day with my family this year and gave my dad the most precious gift of all…meat. Nick BBQed ribs (using the Slabs a Smokin championship recipe) for the family and as always, they were a hit. Even my mostly vegetarian brother gave them the thumbs up. Happy Father's Day, Dad...love you! We also got to see my two grandmothers - one who is 93 years old and the other, 103 years old. (:::runs off to up my retirement contributions:::).
And while Nick isn’t technically a father yet, I cheated a little and bought him his first Father’s Day gift…and not just any gift…the CLASSIC Father’s Day gift – a new tie. There would have been a photo of him modeling the new tie, but SOMEONE dropped my camera and broke it. Luckily, SOMEONE also got up at 6am to make my family ribs so I can't be too mad, plus SOMEONE is going to try and fix it.
At any rate, hopefully it’s not jinxing things, but Nick has proved what a great dad he’s going to be throughout this process…he’s so passionate about starting a family and has been my rock. I couldn’t ask for a better partner. And now, I present to you, the Top 5 reasons why Nick will be an awesome dad.
5. He’s a great storyteller and comes up with the most unique ways of describing things…I imagine bedtime stories are going to be quite popular around our house with Nick at the helm. He also has hidden songwriting and singing talents. :)
4. This is probably more relevant if we have boys…how to put this delicately? Uh…there is quite possibly nothing funnier to Nick in the world then farting. I’m sorry, but it’s true. I also understand that butt jokes are quite popular with the under 5 set, so I think we've got that covered, too.
3. He is incredibly patient when showing someone how to do something new. I swear, I think he was a teacher in a past life. If I ever forget how to tie my shoes, he’d be the first person I ask to show me.
2. He is fiercely loyal…you don’t want Papa Bear coming after you.
1. (Warning: extreme lovey-dovey gooeyness ahead!) He is the most loving, caring human being on the planet and I know without a doubt, that he will devote himself completely to his family and that there will never be a time when our (future) children doubt their father loves them. (you can feel free to gag now).
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