IVF: The Sequel...long overdue update!

Wow…massive blogging fail.  Hopefully you all subscribe to the ‘no news is good news’ school of thought.  I’m not dead, wounded or maimed.  Just busy!  Although, in fairness, it would only take me 15 minutes to update the blog, so I guess it’s more like…just lazy!   

I think it my attempt to structure the blog, I sucked what little enjoyment there was to be had from it right out the door.  So…I’m just going to blog when I want, about what I want.  And what I want to blog about today is…follicles!  I know – you’re so surprised, right?!

Started the stims about a week and a half ago, although on a much lower dosage than IVF#1.   Thus far, there have been no major side effects, other than maybe some additional fatigue.  I’ve had several monitoring appointments and all looks good…I’ve got at least a dozen follicles on each ovary.  However, this time around, instead of having 1-2 show-off follicles that are growing much faster than the rest of the follicles, everybody is growing nice and even.  Slow and steady wins the race.

The egg retrieval is slated for this Wednesday, which means a Halloween transfer.  Boo!  We’re going to put some embryos in you! 

I am pretty tired of driving to the clinic…it’s about 45-50 minutes from our house and it’s a pain to get out there in the morning.  And I’m even more tired of having my blood drawn…and having to spell my name to the blood tech (although today he remembered it without me having to tell him).  

The two cycles continue to be vastly different in a variety of ways.   I didn’t see our doctor in the first cycle until the egg retrieval.  This time around, the doctor has poked his head into every monitoring appointment to take a look at the ultrasound and shake my hand (which, frankly, is a little awkward during an ultrasound, but I’ve gotten so used to talking to medical professionals while in awkward positions or situations, it only fazes me a little now.)

What’s also different is that I don’t feel like OMG IVF IS MY WOOOOORRRRLLLLDD, which is basically what happened the first cycle.  Nothing wrong with that and it was nice to have that luxury, but the realities of day to day living and work do sort of occupy enough brain space that I think the space left for IVF is probably a much healthier portion this time. 

BREAKING NEWS!  Just got off the phone with the doctor’s office…got my ‘trigger shot’ instructions.  Tonight at 9pm I give myself the Ovidrel shot…which will trigger the follicles to release the eggs.   Let’s all hope that this is the last shot I give myself…EVER.  Oh…one other difference this time around…I am extra bruise-y.  It looks like a GI Joe action figure has been repeatedly punching me in my belly button.   I like it, though…makes me feel tough. J

XO to you all…thanks for the good thoughts, emails, calls and texts!

This Sauce Will Change Your Life

Maybe that's a bit hyperbolic, but it has changed my life.  Readers...I introduce to you...Mandarano Balsamic Glaze.  (cue the angels singing)

What is it?  Other than a life-changing sauce, it is...

• Ketchup's older (according to the website, the recipe is 400 years old), much more sophisticated Italian cousin
• A balsamic vinegar reduction in a way-too-convenient bottle
• What has been on my breakfast, lunch, and dinner for days

I love making a balsamic reduction...but it requires a great deal of time and patience.   Essentially, you just poor balsamic vinegar into a sauce pan and literally let it 'reduce' over heat.   And I would say of the times I've made it, 1 out of 3 three times I look away for 10 seconds too long and ruin the reduction.  So, when I discovered you could buy this delicious and luxurious sauce in a bottle, I knew I had to try it.

To date, I've had it on:

• Fresh mozzarella (a classic) and goat cheese
• Granny Smith apples
• Strawberries
• As a garnish on caprese chicken (chicken breast marinated in balsamic vinegar and garlic, then sauteed  and topped with fresh mozzarella, basil and tomato...or in my case, some roasted red peppers I needed to use up)  Nick proclaimed this dish Top Chef worthy (he's easily fooled by presentation).
• Scrambled eggs
• A spoon by itself

If you're interested, you can buy it here.  Anyone want to go in on a case?

I can't remember how exactly I came across it, but I know it started in one of those Pinterest wormholes where you start looking at one pin and then that takes you to some new website which takes you somewhere else and then, voila!  You're ordering balsamic glaze at 4AM.  Not that I did that or anything.

Oh, P.S.  I started the Lupron injections today.  I forgot how much fun it is to stick yourself with a needle every day.  Luckily, my trusty Nate the Needle coffee mug was there to keep me company.

P.P.S.  It's probably a sign of how laissez-faire I am about this cycle that only 5% of the words in this post were dedicated to IVF.  Very Zen.

Thankful Thursday...a day late

Hi, people...I'm sure it's still Thursday somewhere, right?  I had a more stressful than usual day at work yesterday so after coming home from a much needed happy hour, Nick fussed around me...patting my head and generally being the wonderful husband that he is while we watched Parks and Recreation.  And I fell asleep by 8:05.  I am approximately 80 years old.  Next thing you know, I'll be eating dinner at 5:00.  OH, WAIT - I already do that.

So, down to business...in no particular order, what I'm thankful for this week.

#1 - Fall...glorious, glorious fall.  It's my favorite season and aside from family and friends, the reason I could never live anywhere without the four seasons.  I've been pinning pumpkin recipes like it's my job (although I've yet to actually make any of them), drooling over boots and scarves, and just generally walking down the street some days feeling as thought I'm in a movie.  This weekend, I'll be joining the fam at Weston's Red Barn Farm for new family pictures and hopefully, some pumpkin buying. 

#2 - Yoga...I've been trying to do 30 minutes of yoga every other day since the massage therapist told me I had knots the size of Texas in my shoulders.  I used to be much more religious about practicing yoga, but I fell off the wagon.  While at first, I was huffing and puffing my way through, it's starting to get to the point where I really enjoy it again AND I'm no longer wearing my shoulders as earrings. BONUS.

#3 - This next one is an experience I'm grateful for...it's harder to explain and takes some back story, so bear with me. 

I frequently see homeless people on my drive to work...and just as frequently, I have that uncomfortable "Do I make eye contact? Do I give them money? Do I ignore them completely?" dilemma in my head.   You would think that someone who has dedicated their career to nonprofit health and human services would handle this situation better, but I don't.

One morning, I was at a stoplight and saw a homeless man on the corner on my driver side.  Not really thinking about it much, I grabbed my lunch, rolled down the window and handed it to him.  I felt such sadness as he took it and thanked me and said "God bless you."  I wanted to do more.  Later in the day, I remembered...oh yeah, you work in nonprofit health and human services, so you do more every day...even if it's indirectly.

But what I don't get every day is the opportunity to experience the human to human connection of helping someone.  And the more I thought about it, the more I realized that even though it was a small act and probably was more meaningful to me than the man I helped...(warning: I'm about to go all 'kumbaya' on you guys) the world could use more small acts of kindness.  And selfishly, I realized I wanted to be on the giving side of kindness because I could use that positive energy in my life right now.

So, I've been thinking about how to incorporate this into my life and here's what I've come up with.  Each week, I'm going to perform a random act of kindness and blog about it.  Fairly simple and certainly not a unique idea, but I know that declaring it publicly will keep me honest.  I'm hoping you all will help me come up with ideas, too.  I've already got an inkling of an idea for next week, but you'll just have to wait until then...

Have a pumpkin-filled weekend, everyone!

A Funny Thing Happened...

Well, folks...not much new in IVF: The Sequel.  Oh, well...except my big box o' expensive fertility meds arrived...to a lot less fanfare than the first time around.  Luckily, I had one box of Follistim left over from the first cycle, which saved me about $600 this time around.  A small dent, but a dent nonetheless.

Instead, I'd thought I would recount one of my favorite When Sarah Does Stupid Things stories.  The impetus for sharing this story is because I drove past the Wal-marts tonight.  I haven't been in a Wal-mart in probably two years...just a personal preference for Target.  And something about the florescent lighting makes me ill.  Anywho...when driving by, I recalled this particular story that as you might have guessed, takes place at Walmart.

It was about nine years ago when Nick and I were in school at Mizzou...we had been dating for about six months and Nick was accompanying me on a trip to the Wal-marts to pick up some photos I'd had developed (this was in the days when we developed FILM and had envelope upon envelope of random pictures around...not like today when all of my photos are just sitting in files on my laptop...again, I digress).

So, I pick up the photos from the counter and Nick and I walk out to my car.  It's important that you know at this point that I had been experiencing difficulty with my 1994 Saturn SL1's ignition and locks.  So, when I put my key in the door lock (oh, yeah - no keyless entry...old school, baby!) and it wouldn't move, I was a little perplexed but not entirely surprised.  I continued to try and force the key to open the car, but to no avail.  I tried the passenger side...no luck.  Nick and I alternately jimmy, pound and smack the door, window and locks hoping to get in.  But again...no luck.

As luck would have it (or so I thought) the driver side window was slightly cracked.  So, no problem...Nick tells me...why don't we just go into the Wal-marts and get ourselves a wire hanger (soon, I will be bringing new meaning to No More Wire HANGERS!) and jimmy the lock open.  He said it with such authority and confidence, I had no choice but to believe him.  (Also, as you'll recall, this was 6 months into our relationship and I wasn't really at the point yet where I doubted all of his ideas.  That came later.  You understand.)  I rejoiced and thanked my lucky stars for such a genius boyfriend. 

As we turned to walk in the Wal-marts, for some reason I thought...Wow...this envelope of photos is really annoying.  I do not want to carry it any longer.  I shall wedge it into the open car window and leave it in the car.  Brilliant!  Now my hands are free and I can proceed with the task.  Five minutes later, we have returned with a wire hanger and Nick expertly MacGyvers the sh*t out of said hanger into what we hoped would be our salvation. 

I bet you're wondering...well, this doesn't sound stupid at all.  In fact, it sounds like a totally reasonable and effective way to deal with the situation.  You should be applauded for your ability to behave like a rational, calm adult in the face of adversity. 

And you'd be right...if the car that we were trying to break into WAS ACTUALLY MINE.

I happened to look inside the car and notice...that the interior was not the same color as the interior of my car.

As it turns out, there was another gray 1994 Saturn SL1 in the parking lot and for reason only God knows, the driver of said car did not walk outside to the parking lot of the Wal-Marts to find two college kids trying to break into the car in BROAD DAYLIGHT. 

My reaction is exactly what you'd expect...I ran like my life depended on it to my ACTUAL car which was one row over and further back in the lot.  Once safely ensconced in my car, I started giggling...and then laughing...and then Nick got in the car and we both lost it in complete hysterics.  You see, at this point we were too stupid to realize my fatal mistake...

The pictures I had shoved through a one inch opening in the other car's window, which were now sitting in that car's driver seat.  Nick insisted that I wait and just explain the situation to the owner and request the photos.  And I said...hells no.  There is no scenario in which I do not sound like a crazy person in this situation. 

So, we left, tears streaming down our face and me red-faced both of embarrassment and from laughing.  The next week, I returned and instead of asking the attendant if anyone had turned in the photos (so that I didn't have to pay for them again), I quietly inquired about whether there were any photos ready for me and when the attendant put the familiar looking envelope in front of me, I felt no shame in buying them...again.

It still makes me giggle to think of the owner of the other Saturn opening their car and finding a mysterious packet of photos...like, I wonder if they thought they had a secret admirer? Or a stalker?  Maybe who takes a lot of pictures with her friends where they appear to be drunk (but obviously they weren't because that wouldn't be responsible)?  What's the thought process here?  One of life's great mysteries...

New and Improved...IVF the Sequel

As I mentioned earlier this week, we have a new IVF calendar.  Since I know you all like to know EXACTLY what is going on with my ovaries on a day to day basis, here's the calendar.  Follow along at home, kids.

October 5 - Start Lupron 10 units (ovulation suppression) daily injection
October 8 - End Desogen, continue one baby aspirin daily
October 12 - Baseline ultrasound
October 14 - Start 'stims' - Follistim 175 units each day, Decrease Lupron to 3 units
October 18 - Continue stims, Ultrasound/labs
October 21 - Continue stims, Ultrasound/labs
October 23 - Continue stims, Ultrasound/labs
October 25 or 26 - Egg Retrieval
October 30 or 31 - Embryo Transfer (we're doing a 5 day embryo transfer this cycle instead of a 3 day transfer...the number of days refers to how 'old' the embryos are/how much they're developed)
November 1 - on - pray, worry, repeat

In other exciting IVF news, our medicines have been purchased and all paperwork has been completed, so we're officially ready.  Well, as ready as one can be.

I've already done some super mathematical calculations (i.e. I googled it) and if I get pregnant with one baby, I'll be due mid-July.  If I get pregnant with twins, in all likelihood, I'd deliver some time in June.  Yay for being pregnant in the summer!  As if I don't hate being hot enough.  Sounds like a good excuse to spend a lot of time at the pool to me.

Thankful for Thursday...The Triumphant Return!

First off, I'm going to pat myself on the back because I'm actually writing Thankful for Thursday ON WEDNESDAY.  Look at me not procrastinate!

So, in no particular order...my intentional gratitude for this week...

#1 - Rainy days and scary books...I know most people beg for nice sunny weather, but every once in awhile, it's nice to have a gray, drizzly day and cozy up with a book and a mug of coffee and a cat on your lap.  This weekend, I read two great mysteries- Promise Not to Tell by Jennifer McMahon and Before I Go To Sleep by S.J. Watson.  It's so rare that I'm genuinely surprised by an ending in a book and both of these left me thinking...and frankly, pretty creeped out.  My book reading moods change with the seasons and autumn is decidedly mystery and thriller season for me.

#2 - Great co-workers...I have been reminded this week how truly great my co-workers (and former co-workers) are...it's kind of like having a second family...awkward family photos and all.  :)

#3 - Now I'm going to be really mean and tell you that I can't actually tell you what #3 is because it's not my secret to tell, but I got some really exciting news on a project today from a dear family member.  I was flattered to have been asked to help with this Super Top Secret Project and can't wait to learn more.

What are you grateful for this week?

Where in the world is Carmen San Diego, er....Sarah?

My parent should have known I was destined to get a geography degree because of my love for the PBS mid-90s geography quiz show, Carmen San Diego…and the theme song…so catchy.

As  you might have guessed, life has been a little crazier than normal at the Haberberger Homestead.  On the Monday of Labor Day (after having spent a delightful anniversary weekend in our old stomping grounds in Columbia), I was sitting down to (belatedly) post my Thankful for Thursday post (as several of you had pointed out, I was late in only my second week of intentional gratitude).

The phone rang and it was Nick…a transcript of our call.

Me: Hello, dear!

Nick: I am on my way home, I had a bad crash on my bike, I’ll be there in 40 minutes, you need to take me to the hospital.

Me: Okay, I’ll see you then.

Call ends.

I immediately freak out that I didn’t ask for ANY details.  However, I made good use of that 40 minutes – packing bags for us both (since Nick was both conscious and coherent, I assumed he was not mortally wounded, but in my head, I was already planning for a hospital stay), collecting phone chargers, preparing my car for what was sure to be a bloody and battered Nick (which really just amounted to putting a towel on the passenger side seat.)

A Good Samaritan (a fellow mountain bike rider, as it turns out) pulled up shortly after and deposited my husband and off we went to the emergency room.  After many painful hours at the hospital, it was determined that he had separated his shoulder and we were sent home with a prescription for Percoset and a sling.  He was home from work that week and his mom came to stay with us for a few days to help out (thank you!!!), but he has since made fairly rapid process.  I like to say that he’s gone from being one-armed to 1.5 armed.  He improved enough to host a gathering of some of my work friends for what we dubbed Meatapalooza.

Were I not lazy, I would post pictures of his excellent BBQing, but I am.  (If you're really curious, there's some on both of our Facebook pages).

So, that’s what we’ve been up to.  What's new with you guys? :)

Oh, and we also are postponing our IVF cycle by a few weeks.  I had a small anxiety attack when Nick first hurt himself and assumed I would be what I'm affectionately referring to as a 'single mother' to Nick (believe me, I understand that what I experienced is in no way close to what single parents go through...however, I think it's a fairly apt description of the worst of the days when he could do nothing but mope and sigh.) for 6-8 weeks.  Stressful, no?  So, I asked the clinic if we could postpone it a bit so as not to add another layer of complexity and they said of course.  Actually, a more apt description of the series of events would be to say that I left several increasingly teary messages on the nurse's voicemail and eventually wore them down.  Yeah!

So, the combination of normal life stress + IVF stress + Nick nearly killing himself on his bike stress has resulted in two events.

#1 - At a recent doctor visit, I had a high blood pressure reading for the first time EVER.  I'm always secretly delighted when I have my blood pressure taken because it's ALWAYS good and I am a compliment whore...even if it's just for good blood pressure.  But this time...it was higher than normal...not HIGH-high, but still...not good.  When the nurse said "Oh, dear - this is a little higher than your last couple of readings...is there anything particular going on?"  OH HONEY...WHERE DO I START?

#2 - For the last several days, I've had a stress headache that Will Not Go Away.  I was nearly in tears on the way home from work today I was so uncomfortable (Side note...I feel like all the talk about tears would lead you all to believe that I am now and have forever been just a big blubbering mess all the time.  The truth is I almost never cry.  I AM MADE OF STEEL, Y'ALL.  Well, I almost never cried before - now it's like a leaky faucet.)  I decided to make an emergency call to the massage therapist for an appointment (I know...wah! My life is so hard!  I have to get a massage!) and luckily they were able to squeeze me in tonight.  So, the massage therapist starts working on my shoulders and exclaims "HELLO!"  Not sure if we were just greeting each other again, I responded with a tentative "Hi?"  She then tells me that I have the tensest shoulders she's ever worked on and spent the next 45 minutes basically beating the crap out of me, but in the best way possible.  I have to admit, in an incredibly sick way, I was thrilled to be WINNING at STRESS.  If you're going to do something, do it all the way is my motto...even life-endangering stress. 

All this by way of saying, I think I need to take a little better care of myself and manage my stress better.  Which, frankly, I don't FEEL that stressed, but it's also possible that I've been stressedIVF success is your mindset/stress level, so I best be getting myself under control.

Hmmm....that wasn't so bad!  I've been putting off posting for lack of knowing what to say, but as it turns out, I HAVE A LOT TO SAY.   Until next time...me and my hunched shoulders bid you adieu!